They should have let that little alien serve DIVA in the Lilo & Stitch remake.

Well, you've read the headline. We all know why we're here, so let's get down to business.

Disney's Lilo & Stitch is the latest live-action remake to hit our screens, and there's a lot to discuss.

One thing out of the way, before you say I'm not the target audience: you're correct, I'm not a child. But I was when the original film came out in 2002, so I was keen to see what the magical kingdom had cooked up in this new version. And there is one glaringly obvious problem. 

The problem is Pleakley, the one-eyed alien who loves planet earth and sometimes wears women's clothes.

This diva! Image: Disney.

If you need a refresher, here's the gist: When Experiment 626 (also known as Stitch) escapes his planet and makes his way to earth, Pleakley joins his reluctant creator, Jumba, on a mission to bring him home.

An expert on humans, Pleakley knows how to craft the ultimate disguise to blend in. Even with his giant, singular eyeball.

The animated Pleakley was a DI-VA who wore an array of wigs — including the most iconic, c*nty bob — and floral frocks. From extravagant big hats to stunning bold lippies, Pleakley always served a look while completing his mission. He was the comedic and stylish reprieve we loved.

As the film later continued on with a Disney Original Animated Series, the outfits only got better as the alien titled himself 'Auntie Pleakley'.

Twenty-three years ago, everyone saw this alien who liked to dress like a human girl and thought, 'Love that'. But now? Disney knows that won't be the reaction in 2025. Because the internet has become a ridiculous cesspool of vitriol. So, they catered to the very worst people and changed the character, instead of letting Pleakley be a fierce icon for a new generation.

We know Disney laid down the law, because the film's director, Dean Fleischer Camp, revealed he "tried" to get the fun version of Pleakley into the film. He even shared the vision boards.

"I have had people message me, 'Why is Pleakley not wearing a dress?'" he said in response to comments on TikTok. "And I just want to say, I tried… I tried."

"I tried," he revealed, with a stunning early stage vision board.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be.

And now? In the live-action film, Pleakley is a god-damn mess. His alien form makes him look like a worn-out shoe.

And rather than allow the director to do what he wanted, Disney decided the aliens should have the power to adopt human skins. Because of technology, I guess.

Perhaps Disney was worried that an alien in human clothing would look too weird in this live-action scenario. That it wouldn't be a 'believable' disguise. But, um, are we supposed to think anyone in Hawaii is looking at Stitch and believing he is a dog? We're not here for realism. It's a movie about aliens. For children.

Either way — Pleakley adopts the look of a boring himbo who wears button-down shirts (all my love to the actor, Billy Magnussen, but this is not a compelling character).

Who… is this? And why? Image: Disney.

In one scene, he wears a crochet top, because it's like the production team went, "Here, damn" and washed their hands of the feminine ensembles.

The lack of charisma in Pleakley's vibe signifies a shift in this film from the original: it's not fun.

It's not whimsical.

It's not charming.

The young actress playing Lilo, Maia Kealoha, is wonderfully cast. The CGI Stitch is well done, and the shenanigans of these two best pals offer up plenty of nostalgic joy. They are a very, very cute duo.

But with the aliens offering nothing in the way of whimsy, and an increased focus on the fact that Lilo might be taken away from her sister, Nani (Sydney Agudong), this film feels entirely too serious for young kids.

I mean, I know the original film was also about a social worker threatening to remove Lilo from her home after the death of their parents, but you didn't feel the intensity of how stressful this was. You maybe shed a tear, once. You were too busy marvelling at the chaos unfolding on screen, while also basking in the warm glow of this found family. It was an absurd and lovely film.

The live-action was still enjoyable (to me) and I had fun. But the children? Well.

At the live-action screening, my cinema was a sea of crying kids. And not because they were moved by Stitch's heartwarming new Ohana. But because they actually thought he was going to die.

Which… might just be a bit much for a children's film about aliens and the power of community.

There was a distinct lack of giggles and joy in that cinema. You know what would've made it better? An alien in a sundress.

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