"4 things I want you to know about how life is different after cancer"

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Hello. My name is Anna.  I am 44 years old. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer.

Today, I am cancer free.

I’ll never forget the day I was diagnosed. It was three days before my 42nd birthday; an anniversary that is forever embedded in my memory.  I think it’s the same for everyone who has been through something like this.

I always thought there was a chance I might have breast cancer one day. My mother died from breast cancer at the age of 37, when I was only 8 years old. Two of my great aunts also passed away from cancer – it runs in my family.

I have got scars all over me from my operations – but I am extremely grateful for each day that I am healed, and try to focus on the positives in my life.

I think a lot of people have this assumption that once your cancer is gone, life goes back to normal. But it doesn’t – there are new challenges that I face every day. Here are four of them:

1. There is a fear that lingers

Of course I fear my cancer will return someday.

People ask me, “Are you in remission?” It’s hard to answer that.  Rather than say, “I’m cured”, I say “I feel healed.”

According to my breast surgeon, I have an 11 percent chance of cancer recurrence.  According to my genetic counsellor, it’s 23 percent. But I don’t like to focus on the stats.

While I am an extremely positive person, there are triggers that affect me sometimes. Like, if I hear that someone has died of cancer – a celebrity, for example – I can find myself experiencing negative thoughts. Additionally, every little niggle I have, every little pain, headache or flu, I wonder if its cancer related. But I know these are very normal feelings to have.

I do my best to keep those negative thoughts at bay because I realise that’s all they are – thoughts. I have them, I let them pass, and try not to let them control me. I do see a clinical psychologist, and she has also helped me learn techniques to help me deal with my thought processes. I would encourage other women to do the same as it’s been a real benefit to me.

I do take my health seriously and monitor my body – if any niggle persists, I make sure I get myself checked out.

2. The financial impact

There are huge costs involved in cancer treatment – from surgeries, surgeons to anaesthetists, to reconstructive surgery – even things you wouldn’t think about, like parking at the hospital when you get check-ups. I think I’ve spent over $1K in parking fees alone.

I was fortunate that I had some money saved, that I had income protection and a partner who supported me. I was lucky to have friends and family who ran fundraisers to help me with my surgeries and reconstructions. But not everyone has that same support that I had. Even then, it wasn’t easy. I have accessed Cancer Council NSW’s financial support services several times and found the help and advice they gave very useful to me.

3. Changes to your relationships

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I gave my partner the option to leave. We’d only been together for a couple of years at that point. But he chose to stay, and he’s been incredibly supportive. We are much closer now as a result.

I am also incredibly grateful to a couple of my close girlfriends, and my amazing sister, Katrina, who have been a wonderful support to me.

But people do let you down. During my cancer treatment and afterwards, I’ve had a few friends disappoint me by not being there in the way I hoped they would be. It’s made me look at my friendships, and really value some that have surprised me, as well as let some go. I try not to hold any anger though. Everyone reacts to trauma differently, and I’ve realised that some cope better with it than others.

I’ve also found that attending a support group that I was referred to by Cancer Council NSW has been hugely beneficial in helping to reduce that feeling of isolation you can go through. You don’t want to be that person who always talks about their cancer, but you do need to talk about it. When you are connected with others who are going through something similar, it’s reassuring to feel you are not alone.

4. Cancer changes your life forever

I would have loved to have children, but it didn’t work out for me. As a result of my cancer treatment, I am also going through menopause. Your body changes – I have hot flushes all the time. I’m having one right now as I’m writing this.

Despite the way cancer has changed my life, I try to live in the moment, and to be grateful for each day. Things could be much worse. I love my life and have an amazing partner who is my rock. I have a ‘glass half full’ attitude, and try not to sweat the small stuff.

I try and live healthier too – I’ve changed my diet, and am much more aware of what I put in, and on my body. I have changed my skincare, make-up and cleaning products.

Cancer takes away control, but by making these types of small changes, I feel like I have gained some of my control back, by doing the best I can for my body.

There is an affirmation in one of Louise Hay’s books that I recite every day, morning and night: “I lovingly forgive and release all of the past, I choose to fill my world with joy, I love and approve of myself.”

It’s an affirmation I have posted on my windows and mirrors at home, and it helps me immensely. For me, it’s important not only to heal your physical body, but also your emotional body too.

I am truly grateful for each and every day that I have. For however much time I have on this earth – and none of us really know how much time we have – I know I am going to do my best every day to be as happy and healthy as possible.

Thank you for reading my story.

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