‘I’ve exchanged hours for building towers’: 6 things I’m doing differently as a second-time mum.

I never thought I would see the day that I would introduce myself as a mum of two. 

After 8 long years of wishing, dreaming and trying for a second baby, Sailor entered the world in a hurry 3 years ago, and we’ve never felt more whole.

First time round with my daughter Summer, I was flying blind. 

Taking advice from anywhere and anyone, as I tried my hardest to be the perfect parent whilst also maintaining a full-time job in the city, a solid marriage, and even an inch of my former self. I spent many years exhausted, worried and wondering if Summer would one day understand that everything I did (and didn’t do) was for her. 

Image: Supplied. 

Don’t worry, Sum’s now 12 years old and has turned out absolutely fine (despite the pre-teen hormones currently invading our home!) but with Sailor, I made myself (and her) a promise – that I would do things differently this time and be more present. 

And I feel like I have achieved this so far, by…

Caring less about the mess.

As first-time mums, I feel like we’re programmed to believe that we have to look like we have it all together, all of the time. Household chores simply can’t wait, with laundry folded, dishes washed, beds made and toys put away a thousand times a day. 

I was guilty of all of this and as a result, I was constantly exhausted and always carried the feeling of still not being good enough.

Forget that noise! Now, I’m all about choosing my battles. 

Messy hair don’t care! Toys away another day! 

I’ll wash clothes without the woes – when I actually need or want to. No amount of housework is worth feeling overrun all the time and constantly picking up Sailor’s imagination and packing it away means that I’m actually missing out being part of it. 

Mess is just mess. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Being better prepared.

With the seasons seeming to change more rapidly these days, I have vowed to be prepared for those “just in case” moments this time round. 

As such, medicines, sprays and helpful tonics are stocked in our little "family toolkit" in advance. Rather than us having to do a mad dash to the chemist when something comes home from daycare which, let’s face it, is almost every week this year. Especially chesty coughs.

In our winter toolkit this year is Little Coughs, a cough syrup which has been specially developed for the soothing relief of coughs and chesty congestion, suitable for kids from 6 months of age. 

Containing the use of ivy leaf extract, Little Coughs’ triple action formula is a mucus-thinning, cough-relieving, chest-soothing liquid that the whole family can use. And in it two different flavours – raspberry and original – it's a win-win! 

Always read the label and follow the directions for use. Consult your health professional before using Little Coughs in children under two years of age. Image: Supplied. 

Getting wear out of everything.

There’s no denying it, the cost of living has gone up and this absolutely includes clothing and footwear. 

12 years ago when Summer was born, she had more tops and tights than she could wear – it was so wasteful! But today, Sailor only has what she needs in a very minimal volume. 

Actually, both of my girls wear their wardrobe until it no longer fits or it falls apart, there’s no more of this fast consumerism talk (“awww but she’ll look so cute in it!”) or grabbing it just because it’s on special.

Sailor wears her oldest, most worn-looking clothes to daycare so if she gets paint or mud on anything, it doesn’t really matter. 

Image: Supplied. 

A bit of spray and wash in the machine and she’ll be all good to go for her next day of play. As we like to say, if she’s not dirty, she didn’t have a good day. 

Working less.

Being present is the one thing that I feel I really failed Summer on. 

At just 9 months, I needed to go back to work so she was put into daycare for a few days a week, eventually full time. 

This isn’t how I wanted it to go, but life needed me to work which meant that I had to sacrifice more time with her as a baby.

I am now very fortunate in that my current situation has allowed me to choose when I go back to work and what that looks like. I have been blessed with more time with Sailor, choosing to return to work part time and remotely from home. I guess you could say I’ve exchanged hours for building towers. 

Image: Supplied. 

Cooking from scratch… some of the time.

Everything Summer ate as a small child was made by me. 

I spent countless hours sweltering over a hot stove stewing apples and pears and plums, elbow-deep in mash as I meticulously got rid of every lump with my stick mixer. Tray upon tray of portioned food clogged the freezer before being put into labelled bags for easy access. 

Bolognese was made from the earth up, bananas ripened beyond recognition for muffins and pancakes. I even made my own almond milk!

I was obsessed. Plain and simple. 

I was also using a lot of my spare time in the kitchen instead of playing and teaching and learning. So now, we cook from scratch only some times. There are so many healthy options in a packet from the supermarket these days that it’s really not going to hurt to use a jarred pasta sauce. 

It might hurt my purse a little more sometimes but you know what, my sanity and the time with my girls is worth much more and well, you know, choosing my battles.

Image: Supplied. 

Slowing down.

When Sailor was 3 months old, we made the easy decision of moving back to my hometown and letting our girls experience the wonderful life my husband and I had growing up. 

Watching them grow up surrounded by beaches, trees and with an actual backyard was what we had always dreamed their lives would be like. 

But for me, moving to the coast from the city, I struggled to take my foot off the accelerator. After spending so many years enjoying the hustle and bustle of working in the city in a fast-paced environment, watching some of the world’s most amazing live shows and visiting everything from museums to world class beaches, the idea of slow was hard. 

I was constantly looking for something to do so that I didn’t feel like I was wasting time sitting still. 

I was constantly finding something to feel stressed about. But then one day, I read an article about the possibility of people these days being addicted to stress, and all the symptoms pointed to me. I looked up from the page in front of me and saw my husband playing in the cubby outside with our girls. 

From that day, I vowed to breathe, to allow my mind and body to slow down. 

It hasn’t been easy, but boy-oh-boy have I been more present to create some of the most simple, yet enjoyable memories with my family. 

Slowing down would be my biggest piece of advice for any first, second, third of millionth-time mum. That, and stocking up your own "family toolkit".

Relieve coughs and chesty congestion this winter with Little Coughs.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use. Consult your health professional before using Little Coughs in children under two years of age.

All thoughts shared are the writer's own.

Feature Image: Supplied/Mamamia.