'Leonardo DiCaprio says he’s emotionally 35 — which explains a lot about men in their 30s.'

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Leonardo DiCaprio has just handed me, and every woman who's ever dated a man in his 30s, the perfect piece of evidence to explain why they are the way they are. 

In a new Esquire interview with filmmaker Paul Thomas Anderson, Leo is put on the spot. 

"If you didn't know how old you are, how old are you right now?" Anderson asks.

Without missing a beat, Leo says, "thirty-two". Later, when asked what turning 50 meant to him, he quips that he actually "turned emotionally thirty-five" last year. 

"It creates a feeling like you have a desire to just be more honest and not waste your time," he said. 

"Much more of your life is behind you than it is ahead of you."

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And yes, on paper that sounds great. It sounds wise. It sounds like something you might hear from a man who has learned a thing or two about life. 

But here's the thing: identifying as a "man in your 30s" emotionally is not the compliment you think it is. In fact, it's basically a red flag with better lighting. 

I have dated men in their 30s. I have fallen for them. I have been dumped by them in ways that have seriously made me question whether they have ever spoken to another human before. I have been charmed, love-bombed, ignored and left on read — sometimes all by the same man within 72 hours.

The "emotionally 30-something" man is a very particular species. He tells you he's "past the chaos" of his 20s. He casually drops the fact that he's been to therapy (once) without ever telling you what he's learned there. He probably owns one plant, a real couch and an air fryer, but still treats replying to a text like it's a competitive sport in which the goal is to do it as slowly as humanly possible. 

They're fluent in the pseudo-self-aware monologue. They'll sit across from you in the soft lighting of a wine bar, explaining that they "just don't want to waste anyone's time" — meanwhile, you've been in a situationship with them for eight months and still don't know if they have any siblings. 

And maybe Leo doesn't realise it, but he is the poster boy for this archetype. Not because of his work — the man has an Oscar, for God's sake — but because of his dating history. The meme is almost too easy now: none of his girlfriends have been over 28. Ever. 

We're talking about a roster that includes Gisele Bündchen and Bar Rafaeli at 20, Blake Lively at 23, Danish model Nina Agdal at 24, and Camila Morrone at 20.

It's become such a pattern that the internet marks time by it.

"Leo's Law": the girlfriend turns 25, the relationship ends. (His current partner, 27-year-old Vittoria Ceretti, is the only exception, so perhaps progress is being made).  

Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bündchen. Image: Getty.

And maybe you think it's harmless, but to me, it says Leo has never been in a relationship with a woman who is also in her 30s.

Someone who's had her own decade of therapy breakthroughs, friendship fallouts and life admin. Someone who won't patiently explain what attachment theory is or pretend to be impressed by his record player. Someone who will call him out on his emotional flat-pack furniture and demand he build something sturdier.

So when Leo says he's "emotionally 35", I have to ask: based on what? Based on which formative experience? Is 35 the age he thinks he'd be if he'd ever dated someone who could hold a mirror up to him? Or is it just the sweet spot where you sound mature enough for credibility, but still young enough to be dateable to women in their mid-20s?

Now — before you think me too smug — I will admit: I am not perfect either.

I have my own emotional blind spots. I have also been "doing the work" in ways that involve reading exactly one book (or watching three TikToks) and feeling like I've unlocked the meaning of life. I have ended things badly. I have ghosted people who didn't deserve it. I have used "work is crazy right now" as a convenient, vaguely professional-sounding excuse when I really just wanted to watch TV alone. I, too, can be a 30-something nightmare. 

But the difference? I know my chaos. I introduce it at the start like a disclaimer. I try to be better. And that's what "emotional maturity" actually is — not assigning yourself an age on the feelings scale, but proving it in the day-to-day. 

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Being "emotionally 35" isn't about holding court with wise thoughts on time and mortality. It's being able to end a relationship without disappearing. It's showing up for people in the middle of their mess without making it about you. It's knowing the difference between honesty and cruelty and choosing to have the conversation anyway. It's realising that the discomfort you feel in those moments isn't a reason to run — but rather a sign you might actually be growing. 

Men in their 30s, in my experience, have just enough self-awareness to be dangerous. They can talk about their feelings without letting them alter their behaviour. They'll tell you they "value honesty" but still withhold entire chapters of their life. They can identify every red flag in your past relationships, but somehow can't see the crimson parade marching through their own. 

So maybe Leo is emotionally 35. Maybe he's exactly the man he thinks he is. 

But to me? That explains everything. Because if emotional maturity means talking the talk without dating anyone who might require you to actually walk the walk, then yes, "emotionally 35" is the perfect, painfully accurate label. 

And if you've ever dated a man in his 30s, you already know — "emotionally 35" isn't the green flag he thinks it is. It's the red flag you ignored (again). 

Feature image: Getty.