Is there a right age to leave your kids at home alone? We asked 4 parents and experts.

I was today years old when I learned that there’s no legal age at which you’re officially 'allowed' to leave your children home alone.

And I have to admit, it kind of shocked me. I (wrongly) assumed there would be some kind of almighty legislation handed down by those in the know, to give parents confidence about leaving our little cherubs home alone, completely unattended. 

So the decision varies greatly from family to family. Some people are adamant their kids need supervision well into their teenage years, while others are happy to test the waters from primary school age. 

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There’s a lot to consider - from how to choose the right age for your kids, to what constitutes being home alone, what skills they need, and how long they can be left alone without an adult present. 

And surely we all agree, there’s a big difference between "watch TV while I pop out to pick up your little brother from daycare for 15 minutes" and leaving your kids at home alone for a full day or even overnight? 

Full disclosure, the question around leaving kids at home alone has been top of mind for me recently. While I don’t think my boys, aged nine, six, and four are there yet, there’s something irresistible about the idea that eventually I’ll be able to leave them home alone for short periods. 

Any new mum knows the bittersweet bind of being at home constantly with your little ones and craving the solitude of a half-hour walk on your own. Even a short trip to the supermarket alone can become quality 'me time' when the kids are little. Yes, the bar is low for busy parents craving a little solitude. 

But around me, many of my friends with kids a similar or slightly older age, have started experimenting with short periods of home alone time for their kids. So I started asking them, how did you decide? 

While I was a little shocked that there isn’t an official age, it makes sense that parents should be the judge of knowing when their kids are okay on their own. Every child is different, and every home environment is different. 

As the eldest of four kids, I remember being left in charge of my younger siblings at home from a fairly young age (and if I’m honest, the power rush going to my head a little). But it was a good 30 years ago, and we lived on a farm. I’m sure we got up to mischief, but things were different back then.

Fast forward a few decades and some parents prefer not to share publicly that they’ve left their kids at home alone, for fear of being judged. 

Angela, mum to two daughters, said she started leaving them home alone for short stints when her eldest daughter was 10, but didn’t broadcast it too loudly at the time:

"I didn’t advertise it at first as there’s so much difference in opinions on when is the right age. Some of the comments I’ve seen have been fierce. But I think my girls are both very responsible and sensible. We have clear expectations on what to do and what not to do. And obviously we provide them with the means to communicate with us (or grandma who’s around the corner!) if things go wrong."

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What exactly is an unreasonable amount of time to leave your kids home alone?

Out of all the states, Queensland is the only one that specifies an age regarding leaving your kids home alone. However, even their legislation is fairly vague, stating that it’s unlawful to leave children aged 12 or under at home alone for an unreasonable amount of time, but whether the time is unreasonable depends on all the relevant circumstances. 

So the onus is back on parents to decide what’s reasonable, and what’s unreasonable, no matter where in Australia you live. 

When it comes to leaving your kids at home alone, psychologist Jocelyn Brewer says it can be an opportunity to grow your child’s independence, but you need to lay the groundwork first.

"It’s really about them feeling ready, as well as you providing opportunities for growing independence in different contexts. They can show you they’re ready because they engage in different activities at home, like making breakfast, cleaning up, maybe even how they handle spills or accidents themselves. You want them to be able to sort out minor things themselves, but also have a sense they won’t take silly risks.

"Build up to it happening and what you would expect from them, and then start small before starting to stretch out to longer periods of time. This gives them an opportunity to talk about the feelings associated, and also any worries they might have."

Communication is key.

Of all the parents I spoke with, having a method of communication available for their kids at home was a common factor. And the advice from official channels recommends that your children shouldn’t be left unattended without a way of contacting you.

Sarah Spence says she started leaving her eldest, aged eight, home for 15-minute periods when leaving to pick up her youngest from daycare.

"I was only comfortable with it because we got her a watch she can use to contact us if she needs it, and otherwise I wouldn’t have felt okay with it just yet. To be honest, she calls as soon as I leave and stays on the phone the whole time anyway - I think both of us prefer it that way. She always knows I’ll be back soon."

The general consensus from both experts and parents is that both you and your child need to feel comfortable before experimenting with time alone at home. For example, Kate Toon started leaving her son at home at the age of 10 for short periods, and has slowly stretched out the time he’s left alone.

"He’s 13 now and I’ve left him alone for short daytime stints, but I’m not ready to leave him alone overnight yet. My son is super responsible, but I also want him to be comfortable. 

"To anyone thinking about leaving their kids at home, I’d say think about how they respond to situations. Are they panickers? How confident do they feel? What kind of support network do you have around you? My son knows we have a lot of friends and neighbours nearby if he ever had an emergency, which makes him feel happier about being left alone."

After speaking with parents and experts, I’m even more convinced my kids are nowhere near ready to be left alone, even though they recently watched Home Alone and decided they’d love to be left alone, pranking robbers and eating ice cream. The three of them together is a recipe for chaos, one I’m not quite ready to experiment with just yet. 

Like most things in parenting, it comes down to trusting your gut. It’s a pretty safe indicator of what’s right for you and your family - if you feel like it’s not the right time, there’s no harm in waiting. But if you feel confident and your kids feel good about it too, I say go for it. Enjoy that alone time - you deserve it.  

Feature Image: Getty.