When you play on Centre Court at Wimbledon, you shouldn’t try to hit your opponent with the ball.
It’s rude and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
But on Thursday, just outside London, 24-year-old Nick Kyrgios thought “f*ck it” and tried to hit a grown Spaniard named Rafael Nadal, one of the greatest athletes of our time, with an aggressive forehand.
Who does that.
Here's a recap of the match we couldn't look away from.
Usually a recap of a tennis match would start with the first set, but it seems worth noting that Kyrgios was spotted in a local pub after 11pm on Wednesday night.
Sir, you have work tomorrow.
Not even we went to the pub on Wednesday night and we weren't playing Wimbledon the next day.
It should also be noted that the most animated we've seen Kyrgios in recent memory was during his post-match press conference, when he recognised a reporter from the pub.
"YOU WERE AT THE PUB LAST NIGHT," he said, his eyes lighting up. "That's hilarious!" he added with the kind of energy and enthusiasm he blatantly refuses to bring on to a tennis court.
WHY WERE YOU THERE, SIR.
Kyrgios had been on the court for approximately 15 minutes when he started complaining. Likely because he was hungover and got to bed a lil late. Lol.
He yelled at the chair umpire that he was being ignored, before becoming frustrated at Nadal's speed of play.
"Why am I waiting to serve?" he repeated, as though he had somewhere else to... be.
And, pause.
It's at this point that Kyrgios, who was at the pub last night, probably with a few beers and a chicken parmigiana, served the SECOND FASTEST SERVE IN TENNIS HISTORY.
Dude.
Imagine if you'd actually been training or some shit.
Watch a snippet from Nick Kyrgios' post-match press conference. Post continues after video.
Spectators just shook their heads in utter confusion. How can someone be so badly behaved, but also so undeniably good at tennis?
We don't know if he wants to win or lose or break a world record or be banned for life and it's very confusing for us.
At the end of the first set, Nadal needed to do a wee wee, and Kyrgios, who has such a high standard when it comes to sportsmanship (??), decided that's simply not allowed.
"I'm serving next and he chooses to go now?"
Again, Sir. Where do you have to be? Why are you in a... rush? Surely this is the most important thing you have on today.
Kyrgios went in angry, like a child who stayed up too late at a sleepover and then gets grumpy in the afternoon.
He couldn't move on from the 'Nadal-taking-his-time-to-serve' thing, ironically insinuating that his opponent was being disrespectful.
Oh.
"When he's serving he's controlling the tempo, fine. But why do I have to wait when I'm serving? I'm ready to serve," he yelled.
Nadal, who had already had enough, then started to troll Kyrgios, by taking an absurdly long time to stand up to start the set.
Is it funny? Yes.
Is it sportsmanlike? Look. We think that standard went out the window at 11pm at the pub last night when Kyrgios was horrendously losing trivia.
Growing increasingly frustrated, Kyrgios frequently spat with his spit at the court, and then mocked the umpire for being up so high.
"Feels good up there with all the power does it?" he said, and, pls, he didn't choose his own chair.
Later in the set, Kyrgios was very surprisingly warned for unsportsmanlike behaviour and he behaved by acknowledging his bad attitude, and endeavouring to do better.
Just kidding.
"YOU'RE NO ONE," he explained calmly to the umpire. "YOU THINK YOU'RE IMPORTANT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU'RE A DISGRACE."
Cool.
Sorry, we haven't been keeping track of the score because of all the yelling.
At this point, Nadal and Kyrgios were even.
Then... then Kyrgios tried to... hit Nadal. With the tennis ball.
In the post-match press conference, he admitted that yes, it was intentional, but no, he would not be apologising.
"Why would I apologise?" he asked. (Because you tried to hit a grown man on international television).
"I didn't hit him. Hit his racquet, no? Why would I apologise? I won the point."
That's not the... never mind.
Kyrgios was reminded it's 'convention' to apologise in these types of situations, so responded in a calm, mature way.
"I don't care.
"I mean, the dude has got how many slams, how much money in the bank account?
"I think he can take a ball to the chest, bro. I'm not going to apologise to him at all."
He ended up losing the set, probably because he was too focused on hitting his opponent and not winning the tennis playing.
It seemed as though Kyrgios really was tired in the fourth set. There was beer gurgling in his stomach, he wanted his mid-afternoon nap, and he knew the pub was opening soon.
So he went... quiet.
Nadal, likely confused, dominated the tie-break and ended up winning. This, in case anyone got distracted, is the aim.
At the end, Nadal and Kyrgios shook hands and didn't punch each other, an act of respect that was widely praised online.
You know when a handshake at the end of a Wimbledon match is being celebrated that the bar is really f*cking low.
During the press conference, Kyrgios was asked whether he thought his trip to the pub had any bearing on his loss.
"No. You look way too excited to ask that question," he told the reporter.
"You must have a really boring life," he added, which is an unkind thing to say to someone who is merely trying to do their job.
And with that, Kyrgios' Wimbledon experience, and his widely anticipated grass season, is over.
#Kyrgios: "The French Open sucks. Bring on the grass."
- Stuttgart: 0 match wins
- Queens: 1 match win
- Wimbledon: 1 match win
End of grass season.
— 9-7 in the 5th (@97InThe5th) July 4, 2019
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