'Future mum' rants at parents who buy their children 'no name' school shoes. And... wow.

Nobody judges a parent quite like… someone who isn’t a parent. Case in point: a post from Facebook group Aussie Banter (how was that ever going to end well?) that was re-posted on Reddit.

The poster, a woman who admits she doesn’t have children, is upset enough about people who do have children to write a scathing attack on them for daring to budget for their families by purchasing anything less than “the best” for their kids.

The post is an absolute joy to behold, so let’s break it down, slowly, so we can devour every word. It begins politely enough:

“Open letter to Mothers,” which is fine, but may I please note that plenty of dads buy their kids shoes, too.

The first sentence finishes, “who shop at Kmart or other big chain stores for your child’s shoes.”

The writer seems to think she’s targeting a very specific audience, but anyone who’s a parent knows that chain stores like Kmart are life so… she’s basically talking to every parent that ever existed since the beginning of, well, shopping.

She continues, “You lot disgust me and don’t deserve children and should not of [sic] had children”, which is basically the verbal manifestation of mother guilt, so really, it’s nothing us mums don’t say to ourselves about once a week.

But then, the poster, who obviously has no grasp of the definition of “Aussie banter”, gets passionate.

"Pathetic mummies sending their feral brats to school with no name Kmart shoes with no consideration for your child's feet."

Firstly, as someone who worships at the altar of Kmart, I'd like to ask how very dare she? Oh and also, please note, most of our kids are only feral brats some of the time, so there's that, too.

Secondly, how can she say we have no consideration for the feet of our feral brats when we are literally buying shoes for them? Ah, because it seems that these no-orthotic shoes that were not made from the hide of newborn unicorn are not bloody good enough for children's feet - in her vast experience dressing children's feet.

Explaining that she deems such shoes as being of poor quality, the ranter rants that our parenting is "putrid and irresponsible", and suggests that if we can't afford "proper fitted shoes" we need to see David Koch for some immediate financial advice, and cancel our Afterpay accounts... which seems a double-whammy of harshness.

The thing the woman doesn't seem to get is that we can afford proper fitted shoes - about twice a year. What most parents can't afford is spending $100 on a pair of shoes four times a year because kids grow so quickly.

That's why we're at the chain stores - because the shoes need to be replaced so often. You actually don't need to be a parent to figure that one out.

And as one commenter noted on the Reddit thread, "Seriously. My dad was a doctor, and we were very well-off when I was a kid, but we still got my shoes at Payless because why the f*ck wouldn't we?"

Meshel Laurie speaks about what it means to be a self-proclaimed ‘bogan’ parent, on our parenting podcast.

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Ms Ranty Ranterson concludes with my favourite part: how she will be a better parent than every single one of us.

"When I have a child it will only have the best of everything because I will love and care for my child unlike you scabby excuses for parents."

Please let me speak on behalf of all parents when I reply:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*wipes tears of mirth from eyes*

As one commenter noted, "And she will have to give up her 'best of everything'  just to keep the house full of kids running. It's funny the choices you make between the electric bill and name brand shoes."

Indeed.

So, dear childless, clueless, sanctimonious woman, thanks so much for the LOLs. We'd wish you luck in your intention of being a "future mum" as you say, but we all know the only person who'll need luck is your future child.