"Kim Kardashian shared what her office looks like and Mum come pick me up, I'm scared."

Ah, another day, another billionaire celebrity ruining a TikTok trend for the rest of us normies. 

The "I'm [sex/age/profession] of course I'm [funny and stereotypical personality trait]" TikTok trend started with groups of duo best friends walking and taking turns saying things like "I'm a corporate girl, of course I'm going to buy a $7 latte and then complain I'm broke," or "we're teachers, of course we're going to hold our bladders all day" and "I'm a tall person, of course people ask me if I play basketball" (as a short person, this one's my favourite). 

@katie_treasuree this one goes out to all the corporate girlies 👑👩🏼‍💻✨ ft. my work bestie @Juliette Wilson #weregirls #corporategirlies #lifeinyour20s #genz #corporatelife #genzoffice #justgirlythings #corporategirly #workinginsocialmedia ♬ original sound - Katie Treasure

And then... the world's 2% (Kim Kardashian) wanted to have a go. And now I want to go home. 

On the plus side, if you're a complete celebrity lifestyle perv like myself, we got a little sneak peek into her office. 

Right off the bat, at first glance, her office seems a bit... underwhelming. It's like the Adam Sandler of offices- So full of wealth yet styled so averagely.  

@kimkardashian

♬ original sound - Kim Kardashian

However, we did manage to catch some rogue elements that we can't stop thinking about. 

1. The creepy custom mannequin

Kim Kardashian's custom Mannequin. Source: @kimkardashian/TikTok

 "I'm Kim Kardashian, of course I have my mannequin with my custom measurements in my glam room."

Okay, this is a low-key slay. I would love a mannequin with my own measurements so I could: 1. practise fake arguments and 2. Say my daily affirmations to it. I would say things like "I know you don't have a head, hands or feet, but you look beautiful today." 

However, I draw the line at keeping it in my glam room (and yes in this fake scenario I have a glam room as well- it's part of my manifestation journey). 

Keeping a headless object in any room with a mirror is a bad idea. Kim Kardashian hasn't been traumatised by Bloody Mary stories from when she was 9 years old and it shows. Headless mannequins should strictly be kept in mirror-less rooms only. 

May I suggest North's bedroom? 

2. The "Dad-study"

Kim Kardashian's plane and brain replicas. Source: @kimkardashian/TikTok

"I'm Kim Kardashian, of course I have 3D models of my brain and my plane in my office." 

I submitted this article late because I had to lie down to fully take in what I watched in this part of the video. Sadly, I'm still at a loss for words. 

Out of everything you could make a 3D model of... your child's favourite toy, a family heirloom, a symbolic item that represents the best piece of advice you've ever gotten? No. These are all horrible suggestions. You have to get 3D models of planes and brains only because they rhyme. 

I too would love to be reminded daily of how many carbon emissions I'm single-handedly destroying the world with from my private plane 😍.

3. Tanning bed jump scare

Kim Kardashian's office tanning bed. Source: @kimkardashian/TikTok

 "I'm Kim Kardashian, of course I have a tanning bed."

Every Australian audibly gasped at this part of the TikTok. Tanning beds are banned in Australia and with good reason. Seeing someone have one in their office? I feel like I'm on another planet. 

"You have a Zoom call with investors at 3pm so make sure you're in the tanning bed by 1pm." Is how I imagine Kim's assistant would slot the tanning bed usage into her day. 

This is also how I imagine anyone who has investors talks about their investors (they don't have names right?). 

As a brown person who knows nothing about tanning, I must say that I do however vibe with the pretty colours.

4. Product shrine?

Kim Kardashian products display. Source: @kimkardashian/TikTok

 "I'm Kim Kardashian, of course I have a product shrine in my office." 

I have never felt so poor in my entire life. The product shrine is bigger than my local Sephora. 

If I worked in this office, I'm ashamed to say that I'd become an expert at stealing. You're telling me no one has taken one out of the eight SKKN by Kim Face Creams? Yeah sure, I believe you. 

Also, I have a question about expiry dates. Do these products stay on the shrine forever or do they get used just before they expire and are replaced with fresh ones? Don't mind me, I'm clearly still upset about my primary school's canteen rule of not allowing me to have the last Red Rock Deli honey soy chicken chips because they were "display only". 

Rude. 

No one has asked but I too have a product shrine. It's the unfolded laundry sitting on a chair in my bedroom- it's been there for longer than I can remember. So proud. 

5. Finally, some sense. 

Kim Kardashian with nude lip liners. Source: @kimkardashian/TikTok

"I'm Kim Kardashian, of course I'm launching lip liners in 15 different nudes."

Peace has been restored to the world. It wouldn't be a Kim Kardashian video if there wasn't any over-the-top obnoxious product promotion to drive up sales. What? You thought she was doing this entire thing to be quirky? Ha. We can now rest and recuperate. 

But wait. What was that? In the video, she... drops the lip liners on the floor and they... echo. 

Whoops. There you have it. Kim Kardashian's office is actually a Colosseum. I knew it. 

Brb I have to email Deuxmoi about this.

If you want more celebrity opinions from Emily Vernem you can listen to her on Mondays-Wednesdays on The Spill podcast or follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. 

Feature image: @kimkardashian/TikTok