Kim Kardashian just made the smartest move of her career.

This morning I woke up, looked at my phone, and cried.

The first thing I saw on my feed was a grainy paparazzi shot of my favourite celebrity, Lewis Hamilton spending quality (read: sexy) time with one Kim Kardashian. I felt betrayed.

Apparently, the two of them were spotted together at Estelle Manor in the Cotswolds (must be nice).

And then, just as my tears had started to dry into a salty paste on my face, I saw a video of them getting out of a car together and entering a very romantic-looking hotel in Paris.

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Look, logically, their relationship makes sense. On paper, it's a PR manager's wet dream. They're both disgustingly rich, internationally famous, super attractive and most importantly, their height ratio is aesthetically ideal (he's 5'8(ish), she's 5'2). It's the golden ratio for red-carpet photographers. Plus, they're age-appropriate, which in Hollywood is basically a miracle.

But for both of them, this isn't just a romance. No, no, that's too easy… It's something way more sinister… It's a business strategy.

F1 has become increasingly popular, especially among women, thanks to the absolute grip Netflix's Drive to Survive has had on our collective psyche. We came for the cars, but we stayed for the drama, the accents, and the high-stakes screaming into a radio. Grid fashion has become a sport in its own right, especially for the partners who walk in alongside the drivers. The "paddock walk" is the new runway, and Kim wants in.

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And if you're going to pivot to the pit lane, you go for the GOAT.

Lewis Hamilton is not only the most fashionable driver on the grid (he literally wears sparkly sequin sets and yes, he pulls it off), but he's also the most successful and, crucially, he loves being a celebrity. He isn't some shy athlete hiding in the garage; he's dated Nicole Scherzinger and Shakira, he was a co-chair of the Met Gala, he produced an Oscar-nominated film (and deserves it just for dealing with Brad Pitt) and he's been close friends with Kendall Jenner for years.

He's already Kardashian-adjacent and, unlike the Ferrari he's driving, he's finally got an upgrade he deserves.

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Lewis is a fan favourite for a reason. He's one of the greats, winning seven championships (or eight, depending on who you ask—don't @ me) and in my humble, very biased and correct opinion, he is the best driver in history.

But I'm starting to get nervous. Because while I don't usually believe in curses... I'm starting to look at the "Kardashian Kurse" with a newfound sense of dread.

Even Kendall Jenner is in on the joke now. She recently filmed a Super Bowl ad where she poked fun at the superstitions that sports fans have about the women in her family. When a Kardashian dates a sports star, that person's career seems to... decline. In the ad, she sarcastically references her past NBA flings, saying, "Boyfriend one missed the playoffs… boyfriend two flopped out of the league." It's funny because it's true, and it's terrifying because Lewis is currently in a career transition that requires zero distractions.

I want to preface this by saying that although I'm a huge F1 fan, I'm pretty bad at talking about the actual mechanics (I know my strengths). So, a breakdown of Lewis' recent career for dummies goes something like this:

Lewis was on a winning streak with Mercedes until the car became... not good. He started losing.

Still hungry for another championship, he made the massive call to switch to Ferrari. His first year at Ferrari was also... not good, because the car was—you guessed it—not good. To make things worse, his old teammate George Russell, who stayed loyal to Mercedes, suddenly has a fast car again and has been winning races. So after last year, my guy has been pretty down in the dumps.

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We are now approaching the first race of the season. Lewis is still with Ferrari, and they've been testing the new cars. The word on the street (the track?) is that he's testing very well. Like, potentially-get-an-eighth-championship well.

Which is exactly why dating Kim is a stroke of genius in reputation management.

If Lewis wins the championship this year, Kim can take a deep sigh of relief and relish the fact that she has officially broken the Kardashian Kurse. She becomes the woman who took a struggling legend that everyone adores and returned him to the podium.

On the flip side, if Lewis loses? Well, I guess he can just blame Kim. It sounds mean, but if I were in his position, I'd 100% use that as my get-out-of-jail-free card.

"Guys, I didn't lose because of my driving or the Ferrari strategy team's inevitable blunders... I lost because of my girlfriend." It's the ultimate scapegoat.

But back to the crying. The real reason I'm devastated is that for a long time, Lewis felt... accessible. He felt like the "relatable" billionaire. His dad is seen consoling other drivers if they crash out (physically and emotionally). His dog, Roscoe, was his best friend. He sold his private jet to reduce his carbon footprint. He talks passionately about his values and his activism. But dating a Kardashian says "I'm nothing like you poor losers, I'm untouchable and you WILL kiss the ground I walk/drive on."

Now, even if Kim is a person who shares the same qualities as Lewis, Kim the brand certainly doesn't, and that's who he's dating: A politically silent, materialistic, pet-disappearing (seriously, where are her dogs?), egotistical brand.

Even though I know Lewis loves a designer fit and a mansion, I didn't think he'd opt for a contractual relationship. Because that's exactly what this is, an exceptionally good business deal.

With that being said, if Kim is able to wrangle the entire F1 grid for a SKIMS campaign, she will officially win me over.

If you want more from Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Getty.