Kathleen Folbigg was called Australia's "worst female serial killer." Here, she sets the record straight.

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Two and a half years after Kathleen Folbigg was exonerated for the death of her four children, the 58-year-old said she grapples with the painful paradox of being a "childless mother."

In 2003, Kathleen was wrongfully convicted of killing her infant children — Caleb, Patrick, Sarah, and Laura — who died suddenly between the years 1989 and 1998.

Prosecutors alleged she had smothered her children, who were aged between 19 days and 18 months, and, during the highly publicised trial, diary entries were used to portray her as an unstable, dangerous mother.

And so, she became known to many as 'Australia's worst female serial killer'.

However, in 2023, Kathleen walked free from jail after new scientific evidence cast reasonable doubt over her convictions.

Kathleen told Mamamia's True Crime Conversation podcast the pain of losing her children is always with her.

Listen: Kathleen Folbigg sits down with True Crime Conversations. Post continues below.

"I will always say I'm mum. I simply say I'm a childless mum," Kathleen said. "As cruel as that sounds that is what I am.

"I'm in the relegated, unfortunate club, of being a childless mum.

"It's a pain that will be there forever. It's never going to go away. People say time heals. I said, I don't believe that. I think time lessons, not necessarily heals."

Kathleen reflected on the fact her eldest, Caleb, would've been nearing 36 years old by now.

Caleb, Patrick, Sarah, and Laura died suddenly between the years 1989 and 1998. Image: Australian Story.

"All of my children would have been grown adults. Moved on, and I possibly could have been a grandmother by now," she added.

The pain of childless motherhood remains acute for Kathleen. Mother's Day is avoided, and being around children brings both joy and pain.

"I can still walk down the street and spot, especially little toddlers will make me smile," she said. "But I do suffer the next day with the depression hit.

"I tend to want to not really go out or not see anyone."

Watch: Kathleen provides a statement shortly after her release. Post continues below.

The unthinkable grief.

Kathleen said she only has a few memories of her babies.

"I used to be quite coveted of memories and tended not to share, because, for me, I don't have the big banking vault of memories in regards to them," she said, adding the trauma of losing them still sometimes makes her raise a "deflective shield."

"I try not to do that these days, because as far as I'm concerned, you know, for everything that I went through, my children existed, and I would never, ever deny that they did.

"It's a rough edge, knife edge I sort of run on when I'm when I'm talking about the kids."

Kathleen shared there were times she considered not having any more children.

Kathleen with baby Sarah, who died in 1993.

"There were times when I decided no, I wasn't going to; like after Sarah, when I lost my third one. You know, I went in and discussed having my tubes tied because I just wasn't even going to go there," she shared.

"Doctors said to me, 'we can't, you're too young.' I got denied, pretty much of being able to do it because they were concerned I was doing it for an emotional reason.

"That made no sense to me."

Kathleen said the decision to have her fourth child Laura was a nerve-wracking one.

"To make the decision, that was quite a wracking process to go through," she said, adding she had a husband, who was also grieving, to consider.

"She was beautiful and wonderful, a joy in my life. So it wasn't a bad decision, as far as I was concerned, in the end."

One of the misconceptions people often have of Kathleen is that the trauma was so real and palpable she was unable to grieve her children.

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"You go through the grieving process by the time you're getting around to a funeral. You know, you've got the weeks and weeks after a funeral, that is, you know, that are the most depressing parts of your life that you're ever going to come across, but eventually everyone around you, moves on.

"You've got to try and attempt to get on with your life in some fashion, and decide which direction you want to take it in.

"And that's exactly what I did, I kept moving forward."

Kathleen's resilience was built early on in her life.

Kathleen was a teen when she learned her dad had killed her mother when she was just 18-months-old.

The revelation saw her develop an inner strength that would prove crucial in processing the pain of losing her children.

"I believe that everybody has a strength in there, and when they're forced to find it, it's there," she explained. "I think what happens to you in your life, trauma wise, or whatever, it can mold you into who you are."

Adjusting to a changed world.

Kathleen still remembers the moment she found out she would be released; it's a surreal memory for her.

Working a normal day in prison, Kathleen was called upstairs.

She thought she was in trouble, but instead, she was told: "By the way, you've been pardoned. We're releasing you right now."

She was shocked.

"I actually swore at the poor man. I'm pretty sure, pretty much, saying you gotta be effing kidding me," she said. "It was all just a bit too sudden."

Kathleen spent almost two decades in prison before being pardoned and freed in 2023. Image: AAP / Dean Lewins.

The suddenness meant leaving in borrowed clothes, holding shoes she should have been wearing.

Central to Kathleen's story is her high school friend, Tracy Chapman, who became her most fierce advocate as she spent time behind bars.

Kathleen's gratitude to Tracy is palpable.

"If anyone could have somebody like Tracy in my situation, they should go find one," she said, acknowledging her advocacy came at an enormous personal cost.

"It's not just monetary, it's emotional, it's mental. It can affect what path you take down in life. There's a humongous on-flow and ripple effect."

Kathleen pictured with her high school friend Tracy Chapman. Image: Supplied.

Returning to Newcastle after two decades, Kathleen found a familiar yet transformed landscape.

The basic street layout remained, but "there's a roundabout every five seconds" and shopping centres had grown exponentially.

Adapting to society's pace has proved challenging for Kathleen.

"I struggle a little bit with how much life becomes a pressure for people these days," she admitted. "Everything now seems to be on fast-forward, high speed. People have to have 18, 19 hours out of a day of a 24-hour period just to get everything done.

"I find it quite disconcerting that there is a lack of communication, conversation, and people just don't look up anymore."

Kathleen's focus is now on the future, rather than dwelling on injustice, and she and Tracy continue to advocate for women who find themselves in similar situations.

"Moving forward is my sole focus. There's no dwelling on the past too much," she said. "You can't change the past. I try really hard not to have any negativity or toxic thoughts about the past."

Her days now are filled with simple pleasures — walking her dog, people-watching, enjoying sunrises and sunsets.

"I'm quite happy to spend the next 30 years, if I'm lucky, to do that," she said.

Inside Out: An Incredible Friendship and Fight for Justice by Kathleen Folbigg and Tracy Chapman is out now.

Feature image: AAP.