Kate Middleton anxiety.

Do you plan to watch Prince William and Kate Middleton get married? Buy the commemorative dish towel ? Invest in some extravagant royal marketing? Or maybe you are planning to do nothing more than drink a cup of English Breakfast tea to mark the royal wedding.

Journalist Alissa Warren is having a little Kate Middleton anxiety. She writes:

“Kate Middleton truly is a perfect princess – a flawless figure, teeth as white as Warnie’s hair, with more bounce than Charlie Sheen and a hand so delicate, surely the Gods carved it for that sapphire ring. And she appears to actually enjoy being an almost-royal. So, as citizens of the British Empire, shouldn’t we be welcoming her with open arms? Our future Queen. Queen Catherine?

But with 50 sleeps to go before the wedding of the century – I have a confession to make. I’m getting cold feet. I’m desperately trying to remember why I love Kate and it’s got me in a spin.

I’m confused, panicked and unsure if she’s the right girl for me. We’re a little over a month away from a lifetime of inappropriate details about Kate’s marriage, kids (how difficult/ easy it was to conceive), her post-baby body and life in the Royal family. And I’m nervous. Eek. Since Kate and her Prince reunited a few months ago, she’s become my celebrity blackhole – devastatingly uninspiring, sucking the passion from every page. Her fashion? Dull (Too much tweed). Her beauty regime? Dated (No one does eyeliner around the entire rim anymore). Her views/ thoughts/ opinions? No idea. I’m all give, give, give – no take. Kate doesn’t make me want to be a better woman – so other than giving me a little ‘thinspiration’ – I’ve begun to ask what’s in this relationship for me?

It’s been a long road to tabloid triumph for Waity Katie and I genuinely want to enjoy the wedding day prep. I’ve been painfully loyal to royal gossip since Kate blew into mainstream media. I’ve travelled through the up’s and down’s with every lick of the finger as I’ve tut-tutted her social faux pas’ in the weekly mags – “fancy that, going to a nightclub in your mid-twenties … copping a tap on the bottom from your boyfriend sideline at the polo … working part-time … dancing to ABBA … wearing winter boots a dozen or so times in public. Oh, the horror”.

And now … I’m in a panic. In all my years of mass celebrity consumption – I’ve never encountered a species like this. Cue: Sir David Attenborough. I’m feeling helpless, emotional, indecisive (Kate, it’s not you, it’s me). I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time watching celebrity dramas unfold. I binged on Paris’ jail time. Watched Britney shave her head. Cursed as Lindsay sobbed in court. And burnt out the rewind button as Charlie confessed. I’m not afraid to admit, it’s terrifyingly exciting. And lets get real here – Kate’s very own future family has had their fair share of dirty laundry. From Diana to Fergie, we’ve heard it all (Literally. Phone tap. Tampon. Ick). And once her Coat of Arms is drilled through the bricks of Harrods, we’re playing on a different pitch. Hermione Granger is all grown up – minus the bad hair and the frumpy robes – and it’s game on.

So far, she’s handled it all so splendidly. And perhaps this was the clincher for our Prince. Kate’s reserved, modest, well-mannered, subtle. Is it genuine? Or just attractive to a Prince who’s lived through the world’s most bittersweet love story? Real or not – they’re such rare qualities for such a public figure. And no doubt, something to be admired. Funnily enough, she reminds me of someone. Ah, yes, the Queen herself. And now, all of a sudden the name Queen Catherine has quite a ring to it.”

 

 

About the Author: Alissa Warren began her career answering phones for Steve Price at 2UE in Sydney. Come the end of her shift, there was a lot of drawer slamming so Alissa made a quick exit to the newsroom. Before she knew it, she was reporting – initially, paid with free tickets and CD’s. Two years later Alissa moved to “A Current Affair”. She was lucky enough to interview everyone from Elle Macpherson to Australia’s dodgiest termite inspector. Alissa’s currently on maternity leave from Nine’s Sydney newsroom. She’s just pulled through the 6-month slog and was possibly the first woman in the world to put on weight while breastfeeding. When Alissa isn’t watching her son sleep (embarrassing), she likes eating Nutella from the jar.

How are you feeling about the impeding royal wedding? Anything at all?

And here is a Kate Middleton frockwatch to check out…