Em Rusciano on Kanye West's latest video clip: A take down like no other.

I would love to have been in the meeting when Kanye outlined his vision for his film clip Bound 2.

“Listen up for I am about to bless your ears with genius from my perfect mind. Imma need horses, eagles, time-lapse photography, inspirational landscape pictures that move and a motorbike. Also, Kim my most beautiful and excellent fiancée will be on the aforementioned bike naked, facing backwards, dry humping me. Go now.”

Across the board the general reaction to this clip appears to have been a herculean: “THE FUCK?”

Some are suggesting that Yeezey has officially jumped the shark with this effort. Well, I’m suggesting that not only did he jump it, he took it out to dinner, got it pregnant and married it.

The clip made its debut, of all places, on Ellen. I can assure you after it played, no one was dancing in the aisles. I think it is safe to say that that day, friends, the unnecessary dancing on Ellen died.

Apparently someone tried to do a body roll to lift the mood but a producer placed a firm hand on their shoulder and said, “Not today ma’am, not ever again…” and then ran off sobbing. Even Ellen looked a tad bemused. It won’t shock you to learn that she is copping a truckload of shit from her fans on her Facebook page.

I wish to take a moment to point out that I am an actual Kanye West fan. I buy his music, I’ve paid to see him live and, above all, I love how unapologetic he is.

This video is such a glorious train wreck I can’t decide if I love it or hate it. I fluctuate violently between the two; I have a strong ability to love things purely on an ironic level but this time, I don’t know if I can.

Let’s start by acknowledging the chemistry between Kanye and Kim. Oh wait – THERE IS NONE.  I think it is a wonderful thing to want to celebrate the person that you love, however there is more friction between Kanye and his moped than between Kanye and Kim. Lady has a vacant look on her face and spends the clip valiantly attempting to get his attention. Kanye looks over her shoulder a lot, perhaps he is looking out for the horses? Safety first.

Credit where credit is due: the shooting stars/majestic mountains montage was pretty and Kim made excellent use of her wind machine. Speaking of wind machines… What do you think Beyonce thought when she saw this clip? I imagine Jay-Z was sitting at his solid gold desk and saying, “Bey, ugh. I said Bey, ugh – a one a two, a one two, look what Kanye did.”

Yes, in my mind Jay-Z raps all his communicates with Beyonce. In response I imagine that Beyonce said nothing, looked at Jay and raised one perfectly-arched eyebrow. I suspect Christmas dinner is gonna be totes awks this year.

This will be contentious but I quite like the song. Some of the lyrics are questionable but the hook is splendid. I just don’t understand why he felt this clip was a good idea? For a man who prides himself on being an original, this thing is, well, it looks like one of those bad videos that play when you are belting out Living On A Prayer at your local karaoke. All that was missing was a beach, some puppies, and a love heart made of petals.

Finally, won’t someone think of North by North West Kardashian? That child is only five-months-old, but one day she will be 15 and my lord, baby Jesus wept in heaven… Can you even imagine?! Would you want to see your parents simulating your conception on a vesper?

On a fashion note – if I am not mistaken – he is wearing cut off flanno on flanno. Double flanno?! Unforgivable where I’m from.

I love you Kanye, but no. All the no hash tag no.

So… What did you think the new Kanye West Bound 2 song? Did you have as emotional and visceral a reaction as Em?