MIA: Why photos are the low point of every wedding.

Photos are the low point of every wedding.

After the ceremony, everyone is on such a happy, emotional high and then the bride and groom immediately disappear with the wedding party for hours, taking the vibe with them.

The guests are left to mill about making small talk, reliving details of the bride’s dress while desperately attempting to keep the joyful momentum going.

This rarely works. Buzz killed.

And yet more than any other part of the wedding, brides are obsessed with The Photos. I’ve been to weddings where the bride looks like a clown because “the photographer said more makeup will make the photos look better.”

Over the past few years the “photo” gap between wedding and reception has started to stretch to ridiculous lengths are the newlyweds schlep off to various photogenic locations. Often, the desire to capture amazing photos torpedoes everyone’s actual experience of the day including the couple’s.

And what becomes of these photos?

Usually they sit in an album nobody looks at with a few lucky ones being chosen to star in fancy frames that remind the bride of the day when she was the thinnest and so strangers can see who owns the house when it’s open for inspection.

If you’re Kim and Kanye, however, your wedding photos become news. Which explains the glorious details Kanye has shared about the wedding photos the couple shared with the world via Kim’s Instagram account and E! News.

The best part: Kanye and his bride spent four days of their honeymoon using photoshop to correct the colour of the flower wall. Not their faces. Not even Kim’s dress. But the flower wall.

How heaven is that? Four days. Bridezillas you have a new benchmark of insanity and it is called Kanye.

As a rule, brides/Kanye – are not known for their spontanaeity, their sense of humour or their perspective.

EXHIBIT A:

Speaking at the Cannes Lions Creativity Conference this week, Kanye revealed that the world’s most high profile celebrity portrait photographer, Annie Leibowitz (who shot the Kim/Kanye Vogue cover) had quit one day before the wedding.

I can’t imagine why.

Faced with this catastrophe, Kanye tried to stay calm. “Because Annie pulled out, I was like, ‘Okay, I still want my wedding photos to look like Annie Leibovitz,’ and we sat there and worked on that photo for, like, four days because the flowers were off-colour.

He told the audience about how taxing this all was on Kim, ““Let me tell you something about that kiss photo that my girl put up … this was pissing my girl off during the honeymoon, she was exhausted because we worked on the photo so much because Annie Leibovitz pulled out right before the wedding. I think that she was, like, scared of the idea of celebrity.”

Oh Kim. Girlfriend, I would be pissed off and exhausted too if my new husband forced me to spend four days colour correcting a photo of some roses.

Kanye continued: “Can you imagine telling someone who wants to just Instagram a photo, who’s the No.1 person on Instagram, ‘We need to work on the colour of the flower wall.”

Must say, Kanye you lost me a bit here. Not sure if you are arguing with an imaginary Annie Leibowitz or Kim or perhaps yourself. Please continue though.

“Or the idea that it’s a Givenchy dress, and it’s not about the name Givenchy, it’s about the talent that is Riccardo Tisci – and how important Kim is to the Internet. And the fact the number one most-liked photo [on Instagram] has a kind of aesthetic was a win for what the mission is, which is raising the palette.”

Oh Kanye, that’s romantic. Actually, I still have no idea what you’re talking about now. What palette? The palette of the roses?

But please, keep talking because I’m eating it up with a spoon.

“I can’t be with any girl but Kim because that’s the girl that I look at her pictures the most and get turned on the most.” 

Ok great. But can I say I still think this is possibly the saddest official wedding photo I’ve ever seen.
North looks upset, Kanye looks angry and Kim looks like she’s posing for a bathroom selfie.

To me, it’s the antithesis of what makes a truly beautiful wedding photo – connection, spontaneity, joy and love. Because the best photos at weddings aren’t posed. They’re not taken at some fancy location with the perfect sunset backdrop. They’re the photos that capture the happiness, not the flower wall.

Did you fret over your wedding photos? 

Here are some of the wedding photos that every married couple has. Look familiar?