Reliving the suicide of a much-loved parent is a painful private memory.
But new Liberal MP Julian Leeser has decided to devote his first speech to Parliament to the memory of his dad, who took his life 20 years ago, in the hope that speaking publicly about the experience will help others who are suffering.
The new member for Berowra, who was elected to the seat previously held by Philip Ruddock, committed to being a strong advocate on mental health issues while he remains in the Parliament.
“I want to do what I can to help pierce the loneliness, the desperation and the blackness that people who suffer depression feel,” he told the House of Representatives in his maiden speech.
Mr Leeser’s father was 55 when he went missing from the family home, and he remembers his mother’s immediate reaction.
“Seared on my mind from that night was the speed of her approach and her scream as she flung open the door of my bedroom, sobbing, ‘Dad’s gone, Dad’s gone’,” he recalled.
“There I found his pyjamas in a pile and on the glass-topped table in the hall was a note, like so many of the notes from my father, written in red pen on the back of a used envelope. It said simply: ‘I am sorry, Sylvia, I just can’t cope, love, John’.
“I felt a great emptiness ripping at my stomach.”
His father, an accountant whose parents fled Nazi Germany for a better life in Australia, was dead.
Police confirmed his body was found at the bottom of The Gap, the notorious Watson’s Bay spot where many have taken their own lives.
That night, Mr Leeser said, he became a man.