'I wrote a story about the judgement people with curly hair face. Then came the comments.'

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I have a confession to make.

Several weeks ago, I published an article based on a particular type of judgement women with curly-hair face. I based this on some comments I'd recieved over the course of my 36 years. Comments such as: "You'd look so pretty if you straightened it." "The problem is you look young. Some people may not be able to take you seriously."

Now for the confession… in truth, I had qualms about publishing this piece. I sat on it. I wasn't quiet sure how it would be recieved. It was a personal reflection — one I thought would resonate with anyone who has a gravity-defying mane like mine.

Oh boy, I was wrong. Because the moment we hit publish, the comments started rolling in.

What I thought was a conversation about curly hair became a conversation about something much bigger. Image: Supplied.

Comments from people who read the headline (and not the piece), giving me advice on how to make it more manageable (kind of missed the point). Comments saying the judgment is rooted in classism and racism (a fact I wholeheartedly agree with, but that's not my story to tell), comments from fellow curly girls saying they felt seen and comments from women who had experienced deeply unprofessional comments about their own appearance.

On that last point, it became very clear women in workplaces everywhere are still absorbing constant commentary about their appearance.

What I thought was a conversation about curly hair became a conversation about something much bigger: the sanctioned scrutiny of women's bodies in professional spaces.

In the comments and a follow-up survey, dozens upon dozens of women shared the moment a colleague, boss, or workplace acquaintance said something that made them shrink inside themselves.

Listen: The real reason everyone is growing their hair out right now has nothing to do with style. Post continues below.

The workplace horror stories.

For instance, one woman recalled the day her manager looked straight at her and said, "If it wasn't for your nose, you'd be quite attractive." The comment altered how she walked into every meeting afterwards. Within months, the woman said she had a rhinoplasty.

Another woman remembered a colleague leaning in, lowering his voice, and whispering — as if doing her a favour — "Don't be creeped out by me saying this, but your figure looks great in that dress."

Another shared how a coworker told her, "That's a lovely dress — you don't normally wear such feminine clothes." A compliment, disguised as a dig. We've all been on the receiving end of one of those…

For a third, a senior leader at her workplace asked her, "Are you pregnant or just swollen?"

Another woman remembered a time when she wore her natural waves into a meeting — only to later be gifted a can of hairspray.

From make-up, to hair, weight and height — no aspect of the appearance was off limits. Image: Canva.

One woman recalled a male colleague said, "Stop frowning so much, you'll get permanent wrinkles and Botox is expensive." He put his finger on her forehead when he said it.

Another said she told "To wear more make-up, because I look like I'm dying. I was 25 and recovering from cancer."

One curly-haired woman was told, "You look so much more professional when you've styled it straight. Your students will never listen to what you're teaching them, they'll be too focused on your hair."

One woman said: "I've been asked if I brush my hair, told I look unwell…"

It wasn't lost on me that barely any of the women who responded said these comments didn't affect their confidence.

In fact, the majority said the comments changed how they presented, dressed, or self-advocated themselves at work.

The comments come from everywhere — and everyone.

One of the more confronting themes in the responses was just how varied the sources were. Yes, some came from male bosses and colleagues.

But just as many came from other women.

One woman recalled meeting her new female manager for the first time. Before even discussing the role, the manager scanned her up and down and said, "Wow, you're tiny. I expected someone… taller." The employee wrote that she spent the next six months over-dressing, over-performing and over-compensating, all because of one unnecessary assessment of her body.

Another reader relayed how a female colleague told her, "We need to do something about your hair" in a "very nasty" tone.

"It was ironic as the lady had a helmet haircut, which was the opposite of high fashion," she said.

Another woman said she walked into a team room once, only to have a colleague in her mid-50s look her up and down and exclaim: "Ugh, look at you, you horrible skinny woman!"

She continued: "It's been 15 years and it has stuck with me so vividly. My reply was, 'Well, this isn't a fun conversation for either of us.'"

The impossible tightrope.

What struck me wasn't the cruelty of these comments, though some were undeniably cruel, but the normalisation of them.

The assumption that women's bodies are open for review. Now, I'm not naive, I know women face scrutiny for their appearance in the workplace.

What left my jaw on the floor was the fact that such blatantly objectifying words are still being uttered aloud in corporate settings. We're in 2025, for heaven's sake.

What also became painfully clear reading through the stories is women are expected to walk a tightrope so thin it may as well be imaginary.

Wear makeup, but not too much.

Dress femininely, but not in a way that distracts.

Stay thin, but not too thin.

Look polished, but don't look like you tried too hard.

Look "grown up," but don't age.

Appear serious — but not severe.

Neat — but not boring.

Attractive — but not too attractive.

Again, this is hardly a shock, but it made my heart ache to read such clearly triggering experiences over and over.

No matter what you do, someone somewhere is ready to tell you you've tipped too far to one side.

We are raised — particularly as women — to believe that professionalism is about behaviour, competence, and skill. But the moment someone in authority reduces you to your appearance, you realise how fragile that illusion is. How quickly perception can shift. How suddenly your credibility can be punctured by a sentence.

The women who responded weren't simply sharing rude comments; they were sharing the moment they understood how conditional their acceptance in the workplace truly was.

The conversations we need to have now.

When I wrote my first piece, I ended with a message directed at the people who thought my curls made me look too young or unserious: Grow up.

After hearing from all these women, I want to expand that sentiment a little.

To employers, colleagues, managers, and anyone who believes they're offering harmless observations about a woman's appearance: The problem isn't our curls, our noses, our clothes, or our bodies.

The problem is the belief that you're entitled to comment on them.

So again…

Grow up — and let's please focus on the work.

Feature image: Supplied.