BUMPER FLUFF: Joan Rivers takes on Jennifer Lawrence.

Joan Rivers tells Jennifer Lawrence to “grow up” in the most juvenile way possible.

You might remember that, last month, Jennifer Lawrence made a few comments about body image and Hollywood.

If you are struggling to separate the comments she made last month from the totally awesome/meme-worthy comments she has been making ever since she was first catapulted to stardom nearly two years ago, allow us to refresh your memory.

Speaking at a Q&A with Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer, Lawrence said:

There are shows like “The Fashion Police” that are just showing these generations of young people to judge people based on all the wrong values and that it’s OK to point at people and call them ugly or fat. They call it “fun” and they say “welcome to the real world” — and that shouldn’t be the real world, it’s going to continue being the real world if we keep it that way. We have to stop treating each other like that and stop calling each other fat.

Well, it turns out that Fashion Police host Joan Rivers wasn’t too happy about that.

She told The New York Post:

My New Year’s resolution is [ensuring] Jennifer Lawrence grows up and realizes how lucky she is and calms down… I love that she’s telling everyone how wrong it is to worry about retouching and body image, and meanwhile, she has been touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican. Look at her posters. She doesn’t have a nose, she has two holes. She just has to learn, don’t talk if you’re doing it.

Because grown ups respond to mild criticism with a verbal tirade, complete with vile references to child sex abuse.

Get back to us when you have an Oscar, Joan.

Justin Bieber’s retirement: a week in review.

So, Justin Bieber is retiring.

Probably.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Okay, let’s just step back and discuss what we know.

This whole fiasco started when Bieber told LA radio station Power 106 that he was retiring, back on the 18th of December. However, Bieber’s management quickly cleared that up the next day, saying that “he’s taking a break just to make music and relax, take some time for himself for the first time since he was 12.”

However, then Justin tweeted this:

My beloved beliebers I’m officially retiring

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) December 25, 2013

Yet, then he tweeted this:

The media talks a lot about me.They make a up a lot of lies and want me to fail but I’m never leaving you, being a belieber is a lifestyle. — Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) December 25, 2013

And, just in case you weren’t already confused, this:

Be kind loving to each other, forgive each other as god forgave us through Christ Merry Christmas IM HERE FOREVER — Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) December 25, 2013

Is he “here forever” as an out-of-work celebrity? A social media user? A tween spiritual guide? We don’t know, friends. We just don’t know.

Beyoncé plays Santa to Christmas shoppers, cements herself as best person ever.

Beyoncé dropped by a Walmart store in Teweksbury, Massachusetts surprising shoppers by playing Santa, buying her own album, cuddled a toddler, and dropping $37,500 on gift cards to give to shoppers.

Queen Bey handed out the $50 gift cards in envelopes that read,”Happy Holidays from Beyonce,” to every person who was in the store at the time.

Just. We can’t even.

Miley Cyrus’s new film clip has been released (NSFW).

After the Youtube teasers:

And the Instagram teasers:

And the leaked version:

We all know Smilers would break another record if it wasn’t for the fuck face who leaked my video. Alllllll good! Keep smiling :)

— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) December 26, 2013

We were feeling a bit underwhelmed when the  real version of Miley Cyrus’s ‘Adore You’ was released:

Agree?

Mariah Carey walks her dog in the snow… in a bikini.

Mariah Carey and her family are spending the holiday season in Aspen, where it is apparently tradition to walk your dog in the snow, while wearing a bikini.

“It’s just tradition,” she wrote, “#aspen, #coldyethot”

The singer then uploaded a photo of twins Monroe and Moroccan in the spa, captioning the photo, “Misty wonderland with dembabies! ♥”

Glee star secretly weds.

Dot-Marie Jones, the coach on Glee, has married her girlfriend Bridgett Casteen in a surprise ceremony at the couple’s Los Angeles home. confirms.

According to People, Jones and Casteen invited friends and family to a holiday party, only to announce that they were going to tie the knot once everyone arrived.

Jones proposed to Casteen at Disneyland’s Gay Day Anaheim weekend back in October.

Katy Perry’s tour rider proves that the difference between plain hummus and garlic hummus is a serious business.

We know it’s pervy, but, gosh, we love a good tour rider. And Katy Perry’s, leaked by Perez Hilton, is just the perfect mix of essential items and bizarre random shit to keep us entertained.

Ms Perry’s list includes:

– SmartWater

– Plain Fage Greek yogurt

– Organic toasted almond granola

– Bananas, apples, tangerines

– Director’s chair

– Full-length mirror

– Fresh crudites to include at least 3 of the following types of vegetables: cucumbers, peppers, carrots, snap peas, jicama, broccoli, cauliflower

– Sliced deli platter – turkey and Swiss cheese

– Dried mango slices

– Flaxseed tortilla chips

– Stacy’s Parmesan, garlic & herb pita chips

– Plain hummus

– Garlic hummus

– Bowl of ranch dressing

– Mad Mexican salsa verde

– Fresh guacamole

– Green and chamomile teas

– Sencha Shot green tea (in a can)

– Electric kettle

– Wardrobe steamer

Thoughts?