Jessie Stephens, and the public argument about marriage that turned personal.

In 2022, what started as a well-intentioned conversation turned into a witch hunt.

After a prominent Australian feminist wrote a book critiquing the institution of marriage, Jessie Stephens brought it to Mamamia Out Loud to discuss with her co-hosts, Mia Freedman and Holly Wainwright.

"I thought, 'This is such a fertile conversation to have on our podcast. We talk about feminism and newsy pop culture,'" Jessie recalled when speaking to her twin sister Clare on The Pile On podcast this week.

She made clear her respect for the writer while questioning whether criticism of marriage could be damaging, given research on loneliness.

Mia Freedman, Jessie Stephens and Holly Wainwright. Image: Instagram/@jessiestephens90

Within hours of the podcast dropping, the author caught wind of Jessie's comments and "was clearly pissed off."

Soon enough, the narrative became that Jessie was a "pick-me girl" and "one of those women who makes her relationship her entire personality".

Her intelligence was attacked, and she received a flood of nasty messages.

More than any other previous criticisms, this time hurt the most — because it was "so intensely personal."

"I think it portrayed me as someone I didn't recognise," Jessie explained.

"That was the starting point of something… That's had knock-on effects for years."

Jessie and Clare Stephens. Image: Instagram/@clare.stephenss

Jessie also addressed the assumption that she is a nepo baby, being married to Mia Freedman's son, Luca.

"I was born in the suburbs of Sydney to teachers. I applied for 80 jobs and didn't get any of them."

For Jessie, to have "part of [her] identity erased" has been a big internal struggle.

"That's so contrary to how I see myself that it feels like psychological torture to have your story written for you and perpetuated. More people know that story than your actual story and reconciling that is hard."

Jessie Stephens and her husband, Luca Lavigne. Image: Instagram/@jessiestephens90

Beyond the personal impact, Jessie says the online vitriol is "bad for the world."

"This is bad for how we talk to each other. This is bad for discourse. This is bad for women," she said.

The hardest part of the online pile-on has been the way it's made Jessie question her own morals.

"My greatest insecurity, or I suppose the thing I would worry about the most, is am I a good person? There's nothing that I value more than that," she said.

"So when someone accuses me of that, that's touching on a bruise. I think that's why it hurts, because I really care."

Listen to the full episode with Clare and Jessie Stephens here.

Feature Image: Instagram/@jessiestephens90