Attention, ladies: It's time we shut the hell up about "women stuff".

Hey there, fallopian tube friends.

Ovary owners.

Boob bearers.

It’s time we face facts: we need to stop talking about women stuff. Why? Because it’s not good for morale. It’s not becoming. It’s not ladylike. And, most of all, it’s peeving some of the penis proprietors off.

Just ask Insterstellar actress Jessica Chastain, who was told by a close friend and male director that she talks ‘too much’ about women stuff and it’s ‘hurting her career’.

Listen: The man who’s solved all our lady problems. (Post continues after audio.)

So, what exactly is this women stuff Jessica Chastain won’t quit talking about?

Good question.

We had a brainstorm, and assume it has anything to with with Jessica daring to A) voice her political opinions, B) march for her basic human rights, and C) appear to be in possession of a uterus.

That male director totally has a point. Women talking about stuff other than pillow fights and frosé is annoying and boring for people who have had privilege since that time baby Moses floated down a river.

Without further ado, here are the things women really need to shut up about:

1. Reproductive rights. Men don't get pregnant, therefore this = unimportant.
2. Breastfeeding. See above.
3. Periods and period pain. As a general rule, anything to do with your uterus and/or fallopian tubes makes some men feel uncomfortable.
4. The pay gap. The pay gap might not even exist, because an alt-right blogger said so one time on YouTube. And if it did, 78 cents on every dollar isn't too bad. Lighten up, sweetheart!
5. Maternity leave. But you chose to have a baby and leave the workforce... right? Right?
6. Superannuation. See above.
7. Catcalling. Don't you get it? Having a truck honk at you on a busy road is a compliment. Why don't you give us a smile?
8. Decorative cushions. These are just plain unnecessary. Ask literally any man within a kilometre radius of your bed.
9. Scented candles. See above.
10. Feelings and emotion. See above.
11. Female orgasms. See above.
12. Makeup. Boring. Just accept that you're expected to look like you're 23 and sexy at all times, please. Nobody cares how you make that happen.
13. Diets. See above.
14. Ageing. See above.
15. Body image issues. See above.
16. Donald Trump. The most powerful man in the world joked about sexually assaulting women, called them "fat", "ugly", and "bimbos" — so what? Just focus on being a "10", that is your only job.
17. Representation on decision-making boards. Did you seriously not read above? BEING A 10 IS YOUR ONLY JOB.
18. Mansplaining. Um. Awkward.

Of course, there is no such thing as "women stuff", because these issues affect all of us. In fact, many great men consider "women stuff" their stuff, too.

Just ask our Commercial Director Adam... he loves scented candles.

What "women stuff" do you think we need to shut up about?