The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 24: Two people just cheated and... hang on.

March 6, 2019

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Jessika has decided to leave Mick’s home stay early, on account of the time he called everyone she’s ever loved a ***** *** ***** ***.

Back at their apartment in Sydney, she’s ripped their names off the door and THIS is the level of pettiness we strive for.

Mick returns not long after, and sits on the lounge with his hands behind his head, which is not at all an appropriate pose for a man who called a lot of people c**ts on television last night.

Jess turns the kettle on as Mick stares into space and there’s weird camera angles like a close up of Mick playing with Jess’ wedding ring and, look. We don’t want to be harsh, but we do not have time to watch some camera man teach himself how to make a feature film right now.

jess mafs — Less well-framed shots. More cheatin'.

Clare and Jessie Stephens

March 6, 2019

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The Spill

We understand that the boiling kettle represents the rising tension but, repeat after us, we are not here for the metaphors we are here for the gossip as well as the occasional violence.

They get ready for the imminent dinner party, before Mick says, "let's get separate cabs" and Jesus mate Channel Nine does NOT have that kind of budget.

Meanwhile, Susie and Billy are working out how they're going to pretend to be a normal couple at the dinner party, even though Billy is cowering in the corner, whimpering intermittently, while Susie yells: "BAD DOG, DARLING".

Susie tells the camera how surprised she is that they're both still alive. Well, mostly that Billy is alive. Because that means the poison didn't work. FFS.

As everyone knows, nothing will undo a resolved fight, like bringing it up again and recounting it from your own perspective.

"You were the cause and instigator of that fight," Susie reminds Billy and excuse us but the nation would beg to differ.

On the way to the dinner party, Susie and Billy end up arguing about whether or not they're going to argue tonight and we think... yes.

SHHHHH. It's dinner party time.

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And Kim Kardashian is the first to arrive in her body con dress.

Jules and Cam turn up seconds later, having waited outside the venue for days because they were so excited to perform their unconditional love for all their friends.

The other couples slowly turn up, but suddenly a homeless man walks in... alone.

Kim Kardashian approaches him, cautiously, to ask if maybe he needs some help finding where he's meant to be and Kim pls that's Mick in thongs.

"Something has gone terribly wrong here," says expert Mel and no shit look at the guy.

Mick explains to the group that he made a few comments about Jess' family and 'Heaven's to Betsy' and 'happy days' and, no, Sir. No Heaven's to Betsy.

The group thinks that it sounds a bit like Mick was a... dick, but Mike pipes up out of nowhere and says, "WE DON'T KNOW WHAT JESS SAID TO MICK" and shut up Mike no one likes you.

HUSH IT'S JESSIKA and yes she's overheard everything.

~~Kim Kardashian~~ Martha gets very hung up on how Jess heard what Mick was saying when there's a door. Jess tries to explain the concept of sound and how it can travel but Martha doesn't understand and we just don't feel like this is really the point but okay.

"I'm not following. The door... it was closed."

The experts start to speculate about why Jess has turned up to the dinner party at all, and Trish yells, "How about revenge!" while she rubs her hands together.

We need you to... calm.

After hearing Jess' side of the story, Tamara says, "As much as I don't want to be on Jess' team, I think I am," and sweetie that was all of us last night. We're still coming to terms with it.

Heidi asks Billy how his home stay was in Byron and he replies, "SO GOOD!"

Oh. You are a fckn liar and Susie was right.

billy mafs — "No seriously can I have John's business card or something."

DINVAR IS SURVED and everyone takes their seats.

It takes approximately 30 seconds for Jess to start aggressively flirting with Dan and honestly we're unfazed.

Over at Heidi and Mike's end of the table, Mike's contempt for women continues to be confronting. Always.

He decides to announce in front of Mark and Ning that Heidi has nowhere to live (?) and also that her moodiness will likely end their relationship.

Cool.

Maybe she's moody because she hates you but ok ok.

mark mafs — "F****ck I was just trying to be polite."

But Heidi and Mike are vastly uninteresting compared to the predator who is suddenly on the loose and yes it's Jessika with a 'k'.

She sits beside Dan and they talk about such profound topics as children and employment and relationships. But the experts are confused.

These two people seem to be connecting on an 'intellectual level' and that is not at all part of the... game.

To make their cheatin' less conspicuous, they both decide to leave the room and go to the allocated cheatin' space that has been helpfully set up by the producers.

Jess explains that, yes, she likes Dan mostly because of his face and/or body, and he says he also likes Jess for her physical appearance.

They kiss, which seems risky given that their spouses are literally just inside, and Dan encourages Jess to choose to stay at the Commitment Ceremony so they can continue to... cheat.

Pause.

If. You. Like. Each. Other.

Just. Leave. And. Hang. Out. Like. Normal. People.