You may remember that approximately two weeks ago, something weird happened.
Precisely all of us saw Jason Derulo’s penis without… consenting to.
It all started early on a Friday afternoon with an Instagram post. Singer-songwriter Jason Derulo (or Jaysssonnn Derrrruleeooo) shared a photo of himself wearing nothing but a pair of very tight black undies, with the caption 'Good mornin''.
Good mornin' to you, sir.
While the 30-year-old was pictured staring very intensely down the barrel of the camera, humans with eyes found their attention drawn to a distinctive bulge on the right side of his underwear.
It was a bulge. Where his penis. Should be.
Upon second thought, the bulge was, unequivocally, the man's penis.
Let me demonstrate:
It was... a lot.
Obviously, because women are far more vulgar than anyone gives them credit for, they immediately commented with unbridled enthusiasm.
"Zoom in to this bad boy," wrote one woman.
"How long is your schlong," wrote another with no question mark, because the answer was directly in front of her.
Thousands of people tagged each other, posted eggplant emojis, and wrote slightly creepy messages to Derulo like, 'Hello there Daddy'.
Ladies, please.
Watch: What is big dick energy? Post continues after video.
But now, almost 14 days later, Instagram seems to have just noticed that the photo was somewhat... rude.
Derulo posted a screenshot of an Instagram notification informing him that his photo "goes against our community guidelines".
View this post on Instagram
Fuk u mean? I have underwear on... I can’t help my size..
A post shared by Jason Derulo (@jasonderulo) on
"F*k u mean?" he wrote. "I have underwear on... I can’t help my size.."
You poor, poor man.
He also spoke of his frustration in a video to his followers.
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this. Instagram took down my Bali pic," he said.
"All these girls be on Instagram showing their a** and all kinds of crazy s***."
We're pretty sure there's a sexist insinuation there but... okay.
"I've got underwear on, in Bali, and they took my pic down. It's discrimination. Look, I understand, I can't help my size. But you can't take down my pic."
It's sad, because the performer clearly liked the photo so much he made it his Instagram profile picture.
Some people believe Derulo intitially shared the very obvious photo of his actual penis to distract from the negative reviews of his new movie, Cats. But a) what movie and b) what negative reviews - THERE'S A PENIS ON INSTAGRAM DON'T YOU SEE.
Of course, Derulo isn't the first male celebrity to share a photo that very much shows a bulge.
In May last year, UFC star Conor McGregor shared a photo from his son's first birthday. It was a wholesome image - cute baby, beautiful wife, very tattooed McGre - dear God there's a penis and it's staring at me.
View this post on Instagram
Conor Jr’s 1st birthday party ❤️
A post shared by Conor McGregor Official (@thenotoriousmma) on
McGregor's white shorts clearly gave away the outline of his peen, and even now, people still tag their friends in the photo and write, "omg remember".
Yes, I remember.
And we'll now always remember how Jason Derulo showed us all his peen, and then Instagram took it down, because: nudity.
But also, dickscrimination.
