How did such a small person annihilate my entire world in an instant?
They warned me that my world would be turned upside down. They lied.
My world is not upside down. Because an upside down world implies that it’s still the same world; viewed from a new angle. Cars flying through cloudy skies and planes gliding under the sea like submarines. Dinner parties hosted on the ceiling and dogs digging holes in the leafy green canopy of the trees. That sort of thing…
My world is not upside down. It has gone forever.
And the world I now inhabit, in no way resembles what came before.
Today, my son is one month old. He is dark haired and light eyed, has a nose that turns upwards with a rounded bump and possesses infinitely pinchable cheeks. He prefers the left breast to the right and sleeps with his arms stretched out above him like he’s doing a Mexican Wave. His expression morphs from intense concentration to a broad satisfied smile whenever he farts.
He lies in his basinet, all limbs and an oversized head, with a tiny but full belly in between.
How did such a small person annihilate my entire world in an instant?
Thirty one days ago, my time was controlled and ordered. My days were governed strictly by a diary of meetings between the hours of 9.00am and 6.00pm; with a seemingly endless to-do list of related tasks filling the hours before and after.
My husband and I would laugh at this work-dominated life, joking that my second marriage was to the boss. “Why labour in the office for eight hour days when you can get so much more done in 14?” was both of our mantras.