'I smiled at our Christmas photo. Then one comment crushed me inside.'

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For five long, painful years, Amy Campbell dreaded the arrival of December.

As she wrapped presents and listened to her friends talk about their children's Santa wish lists, Amy was reminded of what she was missing — another year without the family she dreamed of.

"It was such a hard time," she told Mamamia.

"All we wanted was to go and have a Santa photo and wake up on Christmas morning and have kids that are getting presents. That is what the magic of Christmas is. That's what the fun is.

"When you're trying to have a baby and there's no child or kids in your life, it kind of loses its meaning and momentum. Christmas becomes not a very fun time."

When Amy and her husband started trying in her early 30s, she knew her endometriosis might make things tricky.

She called it a "transport issue" — nothing was wrong with the eggs or the sperm, they just weren't getting where they needed to go.

But she was naive, she says, about just how gruelling IVF can be.

"I was exposed to it, but I still was naive in thinking that IVF was kind of this miracle science that just got the egg and the sperm, and you put it in, and you got a baby," she said.

"I thought, 'As soon as I do it, I'm going to have a baby.'

"It was a bit of a rude slap in the face for me when the first cycle didn't work."

Christmas reminded Amy that it was yet another year without falling pregnant. Image: Supplied.

One failed cycle turned into six. Five years of her life became a blur of clinical waiting rooms, needles and heartbreak.

"For a long period of time, that was just what I was living and breathing daily," she said.

"It just became a really dark period.

"Why was I not having a baby? There was nothing wrong with my eggs. There was nothing wrong with us. Why is this just not happening?"

It wasn't just Amy's physical health that was being pushed to the limit; it was her marriage.

IVF is a pressure cooker that many relationships simply don't survive.

"I know so many people who have broken up through IVF journeys," Amy said.

"We always say we're so lucky with how strong we were. If there is any crack in a relationship, you aren't going to survive IVF."

As the years ticked by, the desperation grew. Amy stopped putting ice in her drinks. She cut out caffeine. She slept in socks to "warm her blood" and tried to manifest a different reality.

But the hardest part wasn't the acupuncture needles; it was the social isolation.

"You feel very much like you're getting left behind," Amy said.

"We would go on holidays and all of our friends would have kids, and we would just be the 'childless couple', not by choice."

Amy wants people to reconsider asking couples if they're trying for a baby this festive season. Image: Supplied.

Then came the Christmas parties. And with them, the small talk.

"I remember someone on my Facebook — they thought they were being kind — wrote on a photo of my husband and I and it was comments like 'Oh my god, hurry up you two and just like start breeding' like 'When are you going to start having offspring'," Amy recalled.

It was salt in a very deep, private wound.

"I don't think people are being malicious, I think it's just culture and that's just the kind of questions that come after people get married," she said.

"I think it's a conversation that probably shouldn't happen. I don't really think it's anyone's business, and we probably shouldn't be asking those questions."

After the trauma of an ectopic pregnancy, Amy decided to stop suffering in silence. She went public on social media, and the shift was instant.

"I built this new community because all of a sudden people were like, 'I can relate to that'," she said.

The "when are you having kids?" questions stopped because the answer was already out there. She didn't have to explain her grief at a function anymore.

Today, Amy happily has two children. Image: Supplied.

Amy's story has the ending she spent half a decade praying for. After six years, she fell pregnant with her daughter, followed by a son.

But even now, as she finally gets those Santa photos and Christmas morning chaos, she hasn't forgotten what it took for her to get here.

"We don't take it for granted that we've got these two kids," she said.

"I know people that are still trying that don't come out the other side of it, and they don't get that happy ending. We're so forever grateful," she said.

Your festive season toolkit.

Amy's message for anyone heading into a family lunch this week with a heavy heart? Find your people.

"You don't have to publicly talk about it but if you do talk to people who are going through the same thing or have been through it, I feel like it makes you just feel less alone."

And to everyone else? Reconsider your go-to small talk.

"What you think is an innocent conversation or an innocent question often can be a lot more damaging than what you know," she said.

Adora Fertility specialist Doctor Stephanie Sii said it's important to remember that infertility affects one in six couples— meaning you're never as alone as you feel.

Here is her advice for surviving the Christmas season while on an IVF journey:

• Prepare your "script": "If you are anticipating you will get questions about your family planning goals it could be wise to think about your response in advance so you are prepared for any tough questions."

• Find your "buffer" friend: "Having one trusted person who understands what you're going through can make a significant difference... A trusted confidant can also act as a buffer in social settings, helping to redirect conversations or step in when questions become intrusive."

• Give yourself an out: "Give yourself permission to say no to events without over-explaining… If you know certain events or conversations are likely to be triggering, it's okay to limit your time there, arrive late, leave early or decline altogether. "

• Focus on festivities, not fertility: "Use the time to spend with those you love and give yourself permission to indulge in some self-care."

• And most importantly: "It's important to remember that protecting your emotional wellbeing is not selfish, especially when undergoing fertility treatment."

Feature image: Supplied.