ISABELLE SILBERY: 'My open letter every step-parent needs to read.'

Dear stepdad,

I know it's not something you thought you would ever be.

But it's a role I choose you for, for good reason.

I see that it challenges you.

The feeling of helplessness in a history of mess you took no part in. But you're here, in the trenches and that takes strength.

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I've watched you battle with your value of justice, and I've seen you realise how it doesn't serve us. 

The last-minute school pick-ups, the change in days, or when I have to drop everything to be there. It's unpredictable, frustrating at times, but it's our life, and you choose it every day.

You cook favourite dinners, help with homework and go on school dad's camp, but you know you can't compete for the love of a real dad. 

Your love is not second best, it's steady, unconditional and quietly consistent.

I take for granted just how hard it must be for you sometimes.

You've come into this stepfather role after an interval. With no experience or intel into the first or second act. 

How are you expected to keep up? Sometimes I expect you to, and I'm sorry.

This territory is new, complex and foreign. You often remind me you're learning and you're right. Aren't we all, as parents, in our own way?

It's a murky sea you swim in, without a life jacket, but know that I'm swimming right next to you.

Because I choose you. 

I see you pour everything into a steady week. Of calm energy, boundaries and consistency.

It's a complex dance between stepping in and stepping out of an undefined family role but know that you are doing amazingly.

The connection you create over dumplings, during car rides, kicking the footy, and ocean swims, just the two of you. My heart has never felt so full when I witness this bond.

You love not out of duty or genes but out of pure choice.

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A family where you say goodbye and there is no control, until the week rolls in again. When all your hard work is undone as the week returns to us, you feel defeated. I see you.

I see you love him in your own love language, mirroring how your own Dad showed his love.

I see you being triggered by my broken heart and struggle to separate my child from his father.

But know that my boy is watching you. He's transitioning into his teen era, and he needs you more than ever. 

Whether you realise it or not, he may have a father, but he also needs his stepdad. A role that can be equally challenging and rewarding all at the same time. It's messy, it's unpredictable, but it's worth it.

I choose you and you choose us. 

That's a special kind of family.

You can read more from Isabelle Silbery here, watch her on Gogglebox Australia, and see her Instagram here.

Feature Image: Supplied.