"Man flu is definitely a thing. But you ladies wouldn't understand."

Despite claims made, this article is in no way, shape or form backed up by any science. None. Whatsoever.

Runny nose season is upon us and I have announcement.

Grab your pitchforks. Light those flame things people seem to always hold in mobs. Come the hell at me.

Man flu is as real as rain and it feels good to finally get that off my phlegmy chest.

Bec Sparrow is fortunate to have contracted dengue fever rather than man flu. Listen to her discuss it with Robin Bailey, on The Well.

You see, it’s science.

Because men tend to have greater body mass than women (raise them pitchforks) they have more parts of their body that can feel bad. 

And because men tend to be… larger? More blood inside them. Higher blood volume. More icky disease-ridden flu blood to pulse through their aching bodies.

Ok. Now that’s sorted. I have more things…

Women cope with flu too easily. A sick woman will go about her day and work from home and make calls and pick her kids up from school. And that’s great. But obviously, the strain of flu they have must be weaker. Because a sick man never leaveth his bed.

It’s simply not done.

A sick man can usually be found horizontal under a pile of scrunched white tissues. If there are simply too many tissues, follow any whale-esque groans emanating through the house. Aforementioned sick man will most likely be the source.

Another thing.

Any man struck by the man flu comes to the valid and completely understandable conclusion that no one else has ever been this sick ever.

This is true.

Each time a man contracts this illness, the strain they contract is slightly more severe than any man has contracted previously.

Scientists are working hard in search of a medical cure, but currently to no avail. The only known cure at this stage is sympathy, which works best when administered 2-3 times per day with meals.

Still don't believe me? Watch a side-by-side comparison between man flu and regular flu, here:

Does your partner get the man flu? Have you come into contact with the horrific disease yourself? Let us know in the comments below.