'I've been living with my boyfriend for a year. Here are 10 things I wish I'd asked him beforehand.'

Listen to this story being read by Katie Stow, here.

I moved in with my boyfriend last year. It's the first time I'd lived with any man romantically. Sure, I'd had the odd male housemate, but I'd never lived with a boyfriend.

For the most part, it's been fabulous, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been an adjustment. There have been growing pains, to put it lightly – kind of like when the twins from The Parent Trap had to live together for the first time.

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Moving in with a romantic partner is a wild ride because you realise what you think is normal behaviour isn't the same as their normal. So many of us have different standards and routines for negotiating our domestic lives. Getting those differences to gel isn't always easy. Plus, I also wanted to make sure the domestic load didn't fall to me.

So here are the 10 questions I would have asked. It would have saved us a few petty arguments and some serious miscommunication.

1. Do you think it's acceptable to do the dishes the next day?

Seriously, this will save you a thousand arguments. In my case, my boyfriend feels stressed if the washing up is still hanging around in the mornings, whereas I don't really care as long as it eventually gets done. 

I have a very hippie Aunty approach to most domestic tasks. I like to say, "It'll get done!" while wearing a colourful kaftan. This is clearly my toxic trait, and I'm working on it.

 2. How dedicated are you prepared to be to the laundry load?

The laundry is a never-ending job, meaning it has to be everyone's job. So, you need to set the rules from the beginning. My boyfriend is much better at this than me, but I swear I'm getting there. Although, I still can't be trusted to do any loads that involve sensitive materials like wool.

3. Realistically, how long do you need in the bathroom in the morning?

This is very important! Knowing exactly how long your partner takes to get ready is vital. So, you can plan around them accordingly, and they can also plan around you accordingly. Banging on the bathroom door and begging your partner to hurry isn't exactly a recipe for domestic bliss! 

Remember you're meant to behave like partners not squabbling siblings. Though nothing brings out the annoying younger sister in me like when my bladder is about to burst and I can’t get to the toilet.

4. How often do you wash the bed sheets?

Everyone needs to be on the same page for this one. You don't want to get three months in and realise your partner never washes the sheets, and it will always fall on you. So, outline immediately how often you should ensure your sheets are gorgeous and shiny! I find saying, "I refuse to have sex in these gross sheets!" really speeds up the process. 

5. Do you find buying in bulk smart or do you think it is wasteful? 

I love to bulk buy! I think I get it from my nan, who owns two fridges and lives alone. I am ready to plan for the end of the world, which sadly means sometimes stuff will perish that I forgot about. My boyfriend is a daily, sometimes weekly, shopper. He finds my doomsday buying annoying. I find his daily buying far too ad hoc. So, we've now compromised and do a weekly shop. (Obviously, I still have a stash of two-minute noodles).

6. How much do you think is reasonable to spend on groceries a week? 

I am prepared to spend to eat like an ageing pop star. Sure, I don't have a heap of money anymore but I still have some money and I’m ready to waste it. 

My boyfriend is much more frugal. So, I needed to learn to rein in my spending on expensive cheeses, and he learned to accept that I will never just buy whatever coffee is on special.

7. Is your quietness a sign of grumpiness or just tiredness?

This one is hard! When you're dating, you can always put your best foot forward or decide to spend a night away from each other if one of you is in a bad mood. Living together means dealing with your partner at all energy levels and all feelings. 

It took me a long time to realise that if my boyfriend was quiet; it wasn't because he was mad at me but because he was grumpy or tired or just needed space. 

I wish before we'd moved in together, we'd asked each other what we needed from one another when we are feeling upset or downtrodden.

Listen to The Quicky and find out why sometimes we hate the person we love and whether it's a sign of something more. Story continues after podcast.

8. Is vacuuming a daily/weekly/monthly task? 

I believe it's a weekly task, but it also could be a monthly one! My boyfriend is a Sunday cleaning man! So, we do it weekly, and yes, I do it too! Okay, sometimes I’m hungover and unhelpful but I am improving. I would still disgust Martha Stewart, but I'm getting there. 

9. What is a respectable time for your friends to leave?

Having friends over is great! But I feel that past midnight, it's less like having friends over and more like being a hostage at a party you didn't want to throw. So, set guidelines and boundaries or have a room you can hide in! 

10. Do you snooze your alarm? And if so, how many times?  

I am this person. I love an alarm, several alarms, actually, and it drives my partner nuts! We haven't compromised on this; he has learnt to live with it. Probably should have given him some warning though. 

The truth is that moving in with someone is always a gamble! It's one thing to date and mate; it's another thing to actually share a space and a life. There's not really much I'd do differently. You have to work out how to live together, and it can take a while and a fair few compromises. But talking about some of this tedious but necessary stuff means you can get ahead of issues rather than behind.

Feature Image: Instagram @maryrosem.

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