Irena Gilbert hardly documented her pregnancy. She just told us the emotional reason why.

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Irena Gilbert's days are spent wrestling with a toddler — navigating tantrums and those sweet moments you wish could be bottled to revisit later.

She loves being a mum to her one-year-old daughter, Ava. But it's been a long, difficult journey to get here.

When Irena and husband Locky Gilbert fell pregnant with Ava, it was a shock. The couple had only recently miscarried in June 2023 — her second experience with early pregnancy loss, having also miscarried in 2021.

"We weren't expecting to fall pregnant straight away," she told Mamamia.

She was in Queensland, where her brother was preparing to propose to his now-wife when Locky suggested she take a pregnancy test.

"I was like, 'No, there's no way I'm pregnant'," Irena recalled.

To keep Locky happy, they went to the shops to pick up some tests and Irena did them as she was getting ready for the surprise.

"I glanced over while doing my hair and it was positive. I was like, 'Oh my God.' I was in shock.

"I showed Locky and he's like, 'Are you kidding? How did we do this straight away?'"

Those two little lines came at a time they would otherwise have been grieving the baby they had just lost. Instead, they found themselves navigating the complicated world of both grief and celebration.

Locky and Irena with baby Ava. Image: Jarred Seng via Instagram/irena_srbinovska.

Despite her excitement, Irena was weighed down by a gnawing sense of anxiety. One that told her to be cautious, careful. That reminded her she'd lost babies before, this time could be no different.

This sense of anxiety overshadowed Irena's entire pregnancy.

"I was distracted by being so sick, but mentally I didn't handle it very well," she said.

"It caught up with me and I had a breakdown before Ava was born."

But despite keeping busy, she wasn't coping.

"I look back now, and I was such a mess," she said.

"I didn't post a lot because I was scared to take photos of the bump. Now I regret it because I don't have any photos of me pregnant with Ava."

Irena hardly tracked her pregnancy out of fear, as thoughts like "This baby's not going to survive, what's the point?" consumed her.

"I didn't buy anything until the last month then I was frantically trying to get ready… I was too scared, I didn't want to risk it or jinx it," she said.

Another blow came at 20 weeks when Ava was diagnosed with a Single Umbilical Artery (SUA), meaning the umbilical cord has only one artery instead of the usual two.

"Locky was in Nepal camping… we FaceTimed, and I was an emotional wreck," Irena recalled.

"This is my miracle baby and now something's wrong with my baby."

She has one piece of advice for other mums who find themselves in the same position: "Don't Google."

"Google is not your best friend at a time like that," she said.

"Google will show you the scary stats. Talk to a healthcare professional and get advice from them.

"I Googled, and being a nurse I should know better, and I started spiralling."

Locky and Irena with baby Ava. Image: Instagram/irena_srbinovska.

When she gave birth to a healthy, happy Ava in February last year, Irena finally felt that weight lift.

"That was, out of my entire pregnancy, the first moment I fully relaxed, and I wasn't stressed at all," she said.

"I knew once she was in my arms, I could look after her.

"I didn't trust my body enough to look after her while I was pregnant. It was the biggest relief."

Looking back, Irena knows she could have looked after herself better — and she wants other women to learn from her experience.

"I struggled because I was trying to be so happy," she said.

"There's all that expectation that you should just be happy that you are pregnant. It's an unrealistic expectation we put on ourselves and each other."

Irena wants women to know they're not alone in their struggles. Image: Instagram/irena_srbinovska.

As a rainbow baby (a healthy baby born after a miscarriage, stillbirth of infant loss) herself, Irena knows just how special and stressful the situation can be.

"My advice to other mums is you don't have to enjoy that pregnancy… Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself because you're going to create unnecessary stress," she said.

"It's an absolute miracle being pregnant, especially with a rainbow baby, but you need to focus on your health and mental health at the same time."

If Irena could go back and do something differently, she'd focus on taking better care of herself.

"I didn't treat the underlying issues of my stress and anxiety," she said.

"I reached out to Red Nose councillors after the miscarriage and got help then. I wish I had continued seeing someone during the pregnancy."

Irena is sharing her story in support of Red Nose Day (August 28th). She is encouraging Australians to head to rednoseday.org.au and buy an iconic 'red nose' or take part in a fundraising event to help raise $1 million dollars to support bereaved families.

Feature image: Instagram/irena_srbinovska.