It's time to stop with the vague, passive-aggressive inspirational quotes.

Hello all humans.

I have a request: If you could all please stop communicating on social media through Inspo Quotes (that’s the trendy way of saying ‘inspirational quotes’), that would be greatly appreciated.

For an example of what I’m talking about, please refer to the example I have helpfully provided below:

That profound gem was Instagrammed by Jodhi Meares a couple of days ago.

Jodhi Meares is the ex of James Packer/used to be a model/lady who was in the news last week for crashing her car after driving with a blood alcohol level about 1 million times over the limit.

The picture of the quote was accompanied by a caption comprising of two kisses, because obviously the ambiguous quote had clearly communicated everything that needed to be said.

‘Everything’ being “Hey, I know I came really close to killing someone last week after being reckless, selfish and irresponsible, but I’m moving on.”

xx.

At least, that’s the event I assume the quote was referring to.

Jodhi Meares may just be ‘bruised’ by her failure to find the remote control – how would I know?

Inspirational quotes are – by definition – meant to garner attention by being deliberately ambiguous. They’re also a vain attempt to make the poster look profound.

And let me say this to those who use them: Just stop it. Stop it.

Because you are not an intellectual enigma, and posting a John Lennon quote with a backdrop of a single flower is not going to convince anybody that you are. You need to resist the temptation to communicate via words that are not your own and which only vaguely apply to your specific situation.

I know this sounds harsh, but I’m telling you for your own good.

And just to make sure the message really hits home, I’m going to show you how the postings of Inspo Quoters are actually being interpreted by the rest of the world. Remember this next time you feel tempted to send your shitty boyfriend a ‘cryptic’ message by posting something empowering Oprah once said about womanhood.

TRANSLATION:

I once had to read To Kill A Mockingbird in high school.

I failed to hook up last night. :(

I can’t believe “I Wanna Marry Harry” was cancelled after 5 episodes.

I can’t afford a Kindle.

TRANSLATION:

I am very angry at my boyfriend and I would like him to know. Also I’m classy as shit, just like Coco Chanel.

TRANSLATION:

I do not really understand this but I just added someone on Facebook that I’m trying to impress.

The council didn’t approve my plans for a patio #sadface

Be warned Inspo Quoters: I HAVE DECIPHERED YOUR CODE! YOU ARE FOOLING NOBODY!

And you can quote me on that.