'Philip and I have six children but have only watched four of them grow up.'

It may seem like a miracle that I still function quite well most days and that my husband, Philip, and I are still very much in love and have recently celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary.

Philip and I have six children but have only been able to watch four of them grow up.

Our first pregnancy resulted in identical twin girls, who were born nine weeks prematurely and spent the first six weeks of their lives in hospital.

Three years later our son, Jake, was born with major heart problems and lived for two weeks. He died in my arms, the place where he spent most of his lifetime. I went home with empty arms and a very heavy heart.

Our second son, Jonathan, was stillborn. We couldn’t understand why we had lost another child. We were trying to make sense out of something that made no sense. We also had five miscarriages before finally having two successful subsequent pregnancies.

Following the loss of Jake and Jonathan, Philip and I grieved very differently, as men and women often do. We had to respect each other’s needs and it wasn’t until many years later that we were able to talk about our grief and sought support.

However, we clearly hadn’t been challenged enough, because our two youngest children both have special needs.

At age 14, the older of our younger two, was diagnosed with a bleeding disorder and spent many months in hospital receiving treatment. Four years later he is still suffering daily with both physical and mental health issues and our youngest has been diagnosed as moderately autistic.

Philip and I have had many other challenges, including the sudden loss of my father 10 days after Jonathan was stillborn and caring for my mother-in-law who had dementia (at the same time as I was having to take our son back and forth to hospital).

We could sit in a corner and feel sad for ourselves, but we choose to find joy, even in our most difficult days. We have survived the loss of two of our children and we continue to be challenged by our living children, but we have survived and so has our relationship. We got up every day and slowly began to re-engage in life.

Grief can be a very isolating experience. People often don’t know what to say or do, so they don’t say or do anything, which adds to the isolation. We needed to embrace all the moments of joy that we could find and still do.

I can’t imagine this journey without Philip by my side. He is the only one who really ‘gets it’. As a family we volunteer and support others, having had a lived experience. Philip volunteers and supports other bereaved Dads, as there was no one for him to speak to when we lost our first son.

The motivation for my own work as a Bereavement Counsellor is to reduce some of the anxiety and isolation for parents at a time that is already very difficult and to let them know that support is available.

I volunteered for SIDS and Kids as a Parent Supporter for five years while I completed my counselling studies. I took on my current role as Parent Support and Volunteer Programs Coordinator in 2012. I now train other bereaved parents, who are further along in their journey, to support newer bereaved families who have had a similar loss (peer support).

Philip and I have navigated a new normal and found ways to always bring Jake and Jonathan along on the journey and they will always be precious members of our family. I continue to work with bereaved families in their memory.

Lisa and Philip are guests on tonight’s episode of Insight at 8.30pm on SBS, which asks – can love really conquer all? Host Jenny Brockie speaks to couples who have experienced life’s biggest challenges – from cultural and religious clashes, to loss and infidelity.

SIDS and Kids Bereavement Support available 24 hours a day 365 days a year – call 1300 308 307. SIDS and Kids bereavement support services assist families who have experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a baby or child, regardless of the cause.