Five completely inoffensive Halloween costume suggestions so you don’t trigger anyone.

Halloween is just around the corner.

And with it, will no doubt come a slew of offensive costume choices that will light up social media with outrage.

This Halloween, don’t let it be you. Be safe out there honey pies. Remember the Halloween costume motto: “You might think it’s boring but it’s actually very politically correct, culturally aware, and an appropriate level of scary without being offensive”.

Catchy.

So, step away from the Kim Kardashian robbery costume and don’t even think about cracking open the black face paint. Forget the Indian headdress, or dressing up as Ben Cousins with a little trickle of baby powder out of your delicate button nose.

On the latest episode of Mamamia Out Loud, we came up with some far safer options. Except, we didn’t get far.

It’s hard these days. Even the most plainly innocuous costumes may be triggering to someone.
Let’s brainstorm.

A witch? That’s gendered and violent.

A ghost? Sorry, offensive to atheists.

Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? Well, isn’t that considered a gay term?

A carrot?

Consider this your guide to what NOT to wear. Post continues below. 

Yes. A carrot.

So far, I think the only safe choice is to dress as a carrot. Unless you go to a party of red-heads, in which case they’ll think you’re mocking them in a very passive aggressive way. You jerk. 

A cat? Cute! Normally fine, although these days, a prickly choice. Someone might be dressed as Trump and try to grab you. 

How about a tree? Everyone loves a tree. Sturdy. Leafy. Trunky. Safe choice. Slight chance it could be construed as a political statement. If your party is full of climate change deniers, re-think it. Or if it’s a party full of greens, it could be triggering in a different way and you’ll be hugged all night long.

100 years of Halloween costumes in 3 minutes:

How about avocado on toast? So hot right now. Beloved by millenials, who will smash you up like the gorgeous thing you are. Just watch out for the baby boomers; they’re offended by you. Scum.

Ok. Forget the carrots and avocado: what about the plainest item out there: white bread.  Just plain ol’ white, sliced bread. Though. dress as a huge piece of bread and you’ll terrify all the coeliacs you come across.

Sigh.

Good luck out there Halloweeners. Remember the easy-to-remember motto above. Get out there, and trick or treat. Don’t trigger. And if all else fails there’s always this:

Listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud below, and subscribe in iTunes.