For years, I was in the 'honeymoon phase' with my partner. The moment he moved in, he changed.

Content warning: The following story deals with domestic violence, which may be triggering for some readers.

When I was around 19, I moved from Augathella to Brisbane to give a better life to my then young children.

I had lived in a small country town, but wanted to move to the city where there was more opportunity.

Shortly after I arrived in Brisbane, I met a man.

When we first met, we were in the honeymoon phase. We were both so happy and in love.

Things changed when he moved in with us and the domestic violence started.

I’d never taken drugs or drunk alcohol in my life, however he did. He became violent - I remember times when he dragged me from one end of the house to the other by my hair, beating me. 

I thought “I’m going to die here. How am I going to get out?”

It seemed impossible.

I started to suffer from anxiety so badly that I couldn’t even swallow my food. I would choke on it every time I ate, and I wondered if this was my life.

One time, I was driving the car, and he was with me, the whole time assaulting me. I ended up driving the car straight into the telephone pole because I just wanted everything to end. I couldn’t see a way out.

Thankfully, I survived.

I sat there in the car for a few minutes, all the while he was hitting me and I reflected on my two young children. I loved them more than anything and I thought “What are you doing?”. “Why did you do that?”

What would have happened to my children if I didn’t survive the car crash? So I made an oath, then and there. I vowed I would never, ever do anything like that again. To get into a situation where I wanted to end things.

The domestic violence went on for several more years until one day I said “I don’t want this anymore for my life”.

My partner had gone away, and when he returned, he begged me to take him back. I’d taken a domestic violence order out against him and at one point, he looked at me and said “I’m looking right at you, but it’s like I’m looking at somebody else.”

I could never understand why I was being treated so badly with all the love that I gave out. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that and neither does anyone else.

Today, I’m a part of the Stop it at the Start campaign to bring up respect with our young people.

I want to set an example and be inspirational to my three children, my grandchildren, my nieces and nephews, my brothers and sisters and to the entire community.

Teaching our kids about respect starts inside the home. If you’re bringing your children up to show respect, that's embedded in them. From when your children are starting to walk and talk, they’re starting to learn. It’s such an important time to embed respect into your children, because it will stay with them as they grow into adulthood.

I’ve taught my daughters that they don’t deserve to be disrespected, and to never accept that. Everyone deserves happiness and to live a happy life.

I’ve also taught my son to respect women. We’ve all heard that saying ‘boys will be boys’, but that’s not good enough. We need to educate them about respect from a young age, and we need to teach them you can be a better man.

When I see young people being disrespectful to each other, I intervene and let them know that it’s not ok.

We also need to remove the stigma around domestic violence, as well as the shame of talking about what’s happened to you. Talking about it will help you heal. I kept talking to my family, and eventually, I got healing because I spoke out. When I first started speaking out about my domestic violence, it was really hard. But, I didn’t want my experience to remain behind closed doors, because I deserve happiness. We all do.

Keelen Mailman is a proud Bidjara woman from Western Queensland and a mother of three children. She was the first Aboriginal woman to manage a 190,000-acre cattle station, Mt Tabor, outside Augathella, Queensland, where she’s worked and cared for her traditional lands for the past 26 years. 

A gifted athlete in her youth, Keelen’s personal story is full of pain and challenge, and ultimately, overcoming. It is brilliantly told in her autobiography, published in 2014, The Power of Bones.

Keelen’s leadership in the Aboriginal and wider Australian community has been recognised by numerous awards. In 2007, she was a Queensland finalist in the Australian of the Year; in 2009 undertook a Rural Leadership course; 2016 State and National awardee of Bernados Mother of the Year, and 2021, she was awarded the Order of Australia for her commitment and contribution to her community and her culture. 

If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. It doesn’t matter where you live, they will take your call and, if need be, refer you to a service closer to home.

You can also call safe steps 24/7 Family Violence Response Line on 1800 015 188 or visit www.safesteps.org.au for further information.

The Men’s Referral Service is also available on 1300 766 491 or via online chat at www.ntv.org.au. 

Feature Image: Supplied.