'My family send me money at the end of every year. I hate it.'

Since her first child was born almost a decade ago, Sue* has been extremely organised when it comes to Christmas presents.

Having only recently returned to work, Sue and her family had become quite used to living on one income, and learnt to plan in advance to account for December price hikes.

"Every year, I spend most of the year accumulating Christmas gifts for my kids," Sue wrote in the Mamamia Outlouders Facebook Group.

As a result, every year, Sue's Christmas shopping is all wrapped up — literally — by November.

Her in-laws and father, however, take a different approach. And it's one that has been rubbing Sue the wrong way.

Watch: When do you put your Christmas tree up? Post continues after video.

"They both call me (they live far away) and say, 'I'll just send you money to buy the kids something' in mid December!!" she shared. "They don't come up with ideas, nor do they do the physical buying. On the odd occasion they do send something, I have to wrap it. I despise this!!"

Speaking to Mamamia, Sue explained further: "It's not that they don't know how to buy stuff, and it's not that they don't know what to buy. My mum sends wrapped gifts, and goes and figures it all out on her own, and she makes sure the presents get here before Christmas so the kids have got something to open on the day.

"But my dad and my in-laws are both just like, 'What can we get?'"

To help, Sue prepares a list of potential gifts — all available in shops near her in-laws and father. But rather than making the trip themselves, these family members send the money over around 10 days before Christmas and ask Sue — not her husband — to buy the presents on their behalf.

"They didn't even order it online for me to just go and pick it up. I have to go and actually purchase it," Sue told Mamamia. "And I'm like, 'But you can just get it locally.' And they're like, 'Oh, but then I have to send it. That's annoying.'"

And it's not just Christmas gifts; Sue's family often outsource their chores, too.

"They will be like, 'Oh, we need to buy X, Y and Z. Can you go and get it for us?' And I'm like, 'What? Why can't you go?'" she told us. "It feels like they're constantly putting that on me. I think gift giving is about effort, and the gift someone gives you, or that you give to someone else, you want it to be thoughtful, not lacking emotion and thought and effort."

After Sue's initial Facebook post, empathetic Outlouders jumped in to share their own experiences with family gift politics.

"I have this every year with my dad who, two days before Christmas, rings to say he hasn't got Mum anything for Christmas/her birthday, and can I help," one wrote.

"I think this is super common," another added. "And it's exhausting for the parents. Asking for ideas rather than making you get it would be so helpful."

Others considered the perspective of Sue's father and in-laws.

"As a childless aunt, sister- in-law, etc, etc... I absolutely hate buying presents," one said. "I'd rather poke myself in the eye. Money in their accounts [is] always a winner for me."

"Okay, it's taken me decades to understand that not everyone is like you or me," someone added. "My love language is gift giving and I love the whole process of thinking about, saving up, buying, wrapping and giving gifts. It is ME. But I have learnt that this can be received in very different ways.

"Sometimes people feel confronted by gifts, sometimes they feel overwhelmed or stressed (because they feel they have to reciprocate). Sometimes they can also take it for granted because they know that I will have gifts so they don't have to. So I'd say this is what's happening with you. You are a victim of your own super organisation. I would, in future, have a stash of gifts/experiences that are at the ready for relatives. Many people do not have the time, motivation/bandwidth or money to purchase gifts."

Sue also asked her fellow Outlouders for tips on how to set boundaries with her family.

"We have a bit of a fraught relationship," she told Mamamia. "It's been tense over different things in the years. I just try to avoid all conflict. I feel like, if I do bring it up, they're gonna just be like, 'What's the problem?'"

Many people suggested that Sue pocket the money and use one of the gifts she had already bought her kids as her father or in-laws' gift.

But Sue wasn't sold on the idea, saying it "feels a bit dishonest".

Others suggested simply asking her father and in-laws to transfer money, instead of buying a gift.

"I'm super happy to do that," Sue told Mamamia. "In the past, they have put money in for events, which has been great, but I've never asked for it. And I think that's also a tricky thing to be like, 'Oh, just put it in their bank account,' and then you're kind of asking for money, and I really don't want to be ungrateful."

It's certainly no easy feat setting boundaries with your family. But Carly Dober, Principal Psychologist at Enriching Lives Psychology, suggests giving them "the benefit of the doubt".

"Maybe they've got no idea the impact some of their questions or behaviour has on you," she said. "In considering this, I encourage people to think about clear, assertive and kind ways to communicate your needs to your family, and to open up the opportunity for conversation so that everyone knows how to work together.

"Starting a conversation with something like, 'I'm really looking forward to the holiday season and I wonder if we could talk about how to make it as stress-free as possible for everyone? My circumstances have changed and I'm hopeful we can work together on this.'"

Dober also suggested that "people typically fall into old patterns of behaviour" during the holidays.

"They also might truly believe they're making your life easier or that their way is the 'right way' to do things. Be polite, be firm, explain how their help will make a big difference for you, and get the support of other family members if the conversation doesn't prove as successful as you'd hoped," she said.

After sharing her story online, Sue realised that her relationship with gift giving is vastly different to other members of her family,

"I think that it was hard for me to wrap my head around that, because I like gift giving, which is maybe why they seek me out in purchasing things — because I enjoy thinking about someone and thinking about what they really like, and that's a really big part of my love language," she said.

"I felt like I was robbing that of them. It felt like a really hollow exchange of being like, 'you give me money and I buy gifts for my kids for you. But it's their way, so I just have to put a different lens on it for myself."

She also stressed she is "really fortunate" to have grandparents who are in her kids' lives.

"Not everybody has that experience, not everybody's talking with their in-laws or family, and some people have passed on. So I really didn't want it to be like, 'Oh, how can I deal with all these gifts?' I'm grateful."

*Sue is known to Mamamia but has chosen to change her name for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty