'This one conversation could save your relationship. Here’s when to have it.'

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Money broke up my parents.

Like so many couples, it wasn't the only thing they fought about, but it was the thing they couldn't get past. My dad, a Malaysian Chinese immigrant, treated saving money like an Olympic sport.

He'd take showers with the water turned on so low you'd think there was a plumbing issue and he hoarded McDonald's napkins like they were collectables.

My mum, an Australian with Irish-Scottish roots, on the other hand, saw money completely differently. She believed it was meant to be enjoyed. She'd crank the heater up in winter without a second thought, have long phone calls with family overseas, and buy the things that made her happy.

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Those two extremes clashed until there was nothing left to fight for.

Watching it all unfold as a child left a mark on me. I became determined that money would never become a source of stress or resentment in my own relationships. But even as a "money expert", I'll admit: it's not easy.

When my partner Pablo and I first moved in together, we didn't talk about money much. We defaulted to splitting everything 50/50 because… well, that's what you do, right? It felt fair.

Except it wasn't.

At the time, I was a university student working part-time, while Pablo had a full-time job. At the end of every month, I was broke and stressed, barely keeping my head above water. Meanwhile, he had money left over.

Eventually, I plucked up the courage to say something.

"I'm drowning here," I admitted.

To his credit, Pablo didn't get defensive or dismissive. He listened. We agreed to change our system so we'd split expenses proportionally to our incomes.

That conversation was a turning point, not just in how we managed our finances, but in how we understood each other.

Since then, our approach has evolved again and again as our lives have changed. For a while, we kept some independence with separate accounts.

Later, when I started earning more, I used the extra to save faster for a house deposit, without putting pressure on him.

Now, as business partners as well as life partners, we've fully combined our finances, with a few personal accounts for our own spending.

Queenie Tan is the founder of Invest with Queenie. Image: Supplied

Here's what I've learned: there's no one-size-fits-all system for couples. But there are options, and knowing them can help you find what works for you.

Some couples like the 50/50 split, where expenses are divided down the middle. It's simple and clear, but it can feel unfair if one person earns significantly more.

Others prefer the proportional split, where you each contribute based on your income. If one person earns 70 per cent of the household income, they pay 70 per cent of the expenses.

This feels fairer when incomes are uneven but requires a little more admin.

Then there's the "you cover this, I cover that" method, where one person might pay the rent while the other covers groceries and utilities.

This works well if the costs balance out but can cause tension if they don't.

Some couples pool all their income into a shared account, covering everything together. This is great for long-term relationships with shared goals but doesn't leave much room for independence.

Others opt for a hybrid system, where joint expenses are paid from a shared account, but each person keeps a personal account for their own spending.

And, of course, some couples choose completely separate finances, which works if you're both comfortable managing your own money and splitting shared costs fairly.

The truth is, no system is perfect. It's about finding what feels fair, supports your shared goals, and allows each of you to maintain some autonomy.

The most important thing is having the conversation.

Here's what to ask.

What was money like in your family growing up?

How do you feel about saving, spending, and debt?

What feels fair to you in this stage of our lives?

These questions might feel awkward or unromantic, but trust me: they're essential. Because when money is left unspoken, it has a way of speaking for itself.

Looking back, I realise the biggest gift Pablo and I gave each other wasn't a fancy dinner or an expensive holiday. It was honesty about money.

It's not about finding a perfect system, it's about creating one that works for you now, and being willing to adapt as life changes.

Queenie Tan is the founder of Invest with Queenie and one of Australia's most trusted personal finance educators. Her new book, The Fun Finance Formula, shows how to grow your wealth without sacrificing joy.

Feature Image: Supplied