by MIRIAM ERYAN
“God forgot to give me flaws,” so later in life, last December in fact, I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I make light of it like that all the time. “I was so sweet that even my own body couldn’t handle it,” I joke, and then you get those half sympathetic, half thankful you made a joke faces in reply.
It’s true, you never really know what to say when someone is sick and Diabetes is a tricky one. You never look ill, you can still exercise, you eat healthily (mostly because you want to, but other times because you have to). In a way it’s a great thing that nobody looks at you and instantly knows that something is wrong. In other ways, it’s devastating because as a fiercely independent young woman, when I’m breaking into a sweat and my bones feel like their rattling, when the room feels like it’s closing in on me and my sight begins to blur, I’m suddenly reliant on strangers to rescue me. I’m forced to admit that something is wrong and that can be the hardest thing to say.
I know it sounds cocky. It can seem proud, but appearance has always mattered to me… then I got diagnosed. I still do my hair and makeup everyday (maybe sometimes to compensate for what’s going on inside me) then that external beauty quickly diminishes when I have to pull out an insulin needle at breakfast, lunch or dinner with friends. I’m fortunate though. I have a great support network and most won’t even bat an eyelid as I’m doing it. I do catch other people’s uncomfortable glances though. To them I’d often like to tell them what seven needles pierced into your skin everyday feels like to me. It doesn’t always hurt, I don’t always mind it, but I never enjoy it and I don’t enjoy the uncomfortable looks but why don’t you try jabbing yourself with a needle right before you eat everyday, wherever you are? Don’t get me started on the anxiety of having to tell someone on a date, just in case illness is a deal breaker for them (and to be honest I’d understand that – no one likes excess baggage).