'I've been in love with my friend's husband for a year. Last week, he told me feels the same.'

As told to Polly Taylor, submissions editor. 

It certainly wasn't love at first sight.

In fact, when I first met my friend Rita's* husband, Joe*, I thought he was rather ordinary.

I'd met Rita through work. We weren't super close or lifelong friends, but as colleagues go, I had a great relationship with her, and we'd often go for after-work drinks.

It was on one of these evenings, in the bar beside our office, that Joe joined us after finishing a long day himself. 

He was nice enough. Cute, rather than handsome. Not tall, but solid. The three of us de-stressed over a few drinks and that was the end of that. 

A few months later, Rita said she and Joe were going to a trivia night one Tuesday evening after work with a group of friends and invited me to join them.

"I bloody love pub trivia," I said, entirely truthfully. "I'd love to come."

Our team name was rude - and also hilarious. I later learned it was Joe's suggestion.

That night, I found out how smart he was. He seemed to know something about everything, but not in an annoying, mansplain-y way. He was also really, really funny.

We won the quiz that night and high off our victory - and our prize of a few extra beers - we decided to go back the following week.

I found myself really looking forward to it.

And over the coming weeks, it became a regular thing. More and more, I got to know Joe. And the more I knew, the more I liked him.

Like me, he came from a big family and spoke so lovingly about his parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, it warmed my heart. 

We also both loved reading and would often lend each other books at trivia night. I'd find myself racing through whatever he'd given me, always enjoying his selections, and desperate to finish so I could chat with him about them the next week.

I found myself making more effort with my appearance. Normally, at the end of a working day, I'd be too tired to fix myself up, but I found myself choosing my outfits carefully on Tuesday mornings, and reapplying my makeup in the work toilets at 5pm.

"It's only trivia!" Rita laughed one afternoon, catching me topping up my lip gloss. 

I smiled weakly. 

"Actually," she added. "I think I'm going to skip it tonight. I'm knackered and not a big fan of the new quiz master."

Personally, I'd barely even noticed the host had been replaced.

On my way to the pub, my stomach flipped, wondering if Joe would skip it too, seeing as Rita was going straight home.

But he was there waiting, with a smile, and another book he was dying for me to read. 

Months passed, and Rita stopped coming along altogether. "I'm just bored with it," she shrugged. "And I never know any of the answers, anyway."

I kept going, and Joe and I got closer. We started hanging back long after the answers had been revealed, and the prizes handed out.

"Do you go on many dates?" he asked me one night.

I realised I'd barely thought about dating since I'd start hanging out with Joe. I knew then; I was falling in love with him.

"Not really," I told him. 

"I'd set you up with a mate but none of them are even close to being good enough," he laughed. 

I felt my face grow warm.

Last Tuesday, the weather was awful. Rain was lashing down and strikes meant the trains home were going to be a nightmare. None of that was going to stop me, but as I walked into the pub, I found Joe sitting alone. 

"Everyone else bailed," he said.

"Oh..." I paused, wondering if we'd stay.

"I think we should give it a crack, just the two of us," he grinned.

Just the two of us...

My god, get a grip, I thought. 

But that night, everything felt different. We sat closer together; we held eye contact longer. I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch his leg. 

We drank more than usual. Leaving the pub, it was still bucketing down, and we huddled together under the awning, as we contemplating ordering Ubers.

Then Joe took my arm and turned me towards him.

"I don't know what to do about this..." he said.

"About what?" I asked. 

Then he told me. He'd been feeling the same way about me that I had about him.

"I don't know what to do either," I said.

And then we were silent.

Nothing's happened since and I won't let it, not while he's married to my friend and colleague. But now I know he feels the same way about me, I feel excited in a way I know I shouldn't. Scared in a way that makes me want to throw up. And ashamed. Ashamed of feeling the way I do.

But, there is absolutely no denying it – and no going back – now.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. 

*Names have been changed for privacy.

Feature Image: Getty.