by ANONYMOUS
Dear God, It’s happening. I am nearly 28, and not married.
No, I am not a single, independent, childless woman. I am in a relationship with a man I love immensely, who doesn’t want to marry me.
We have all the characteristics of a family enjoying married life. We have been together for nearly six years, we have a child and share finances.
But the niggling won’t go away.
I have dreamed about getting married ever since I had my first crush. What the fuck does ‘not believing in marriage’ mean anyway?
Is it because I find it hilarious to fart in bed and air the doona? Sure, yes it is childish.
Please Kasey Chambers, get out of my head! I am sure I’m not pretty enough, I am probably too outspoken and yes, I think I cry too much.
I am good enough to bear his child, but just not good enough to marry?
So people say I should give him ‘the’ ultimatum. I can’t. I know he loves me, I know he would give in. Then; do I spend the rest of my married life knowing he was forced into it? On the other hand, I can’t go on resenting him either. I am not going to leave, the thought of spending my life without the man I love is too much to bear. I would rather have him than a certificate.
But the niggling won’t go away.
Recently I was watching Home and Away (yes, I am shockingly addicted) and found myself wishing Roo would slip in some mud and ruin her dress. I find myself thinking about it with most brides. It’s terrible, I know. I hope for a downpour to ruin their day. I hope a dog lifts its leg on the bride and she either has to change out of her dream dress or spend her entire wedding stinking of piss. I hope the car breaks down and she doesn’t make it to the church on time. It’s terrible isn’t it? It is jealousy, pure jealousy.