'I hate my kid's friend. Can I stop them from coming over?'

All parents want their kids to have friends, but what happens when those friends feel like a mini menace in your home?

You know the type — the kid who treats your living room like a WWE ring, raids your fridge without asking, and somehow makes you question your entire parenting strategy in the space of a playdate.

So, what's a parent to do? Can you subtly "uninvite" this tiny terror, or is it just one of those parenting hurdles we have to leap?

Watch: Should you let your kids have sleepovers? Article continues after video.

The gut instinct to step in.

As Eileen Kennedy-Moore Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, points out, it's highly likely that at some point, your child will choose a friend who makes you reconsider all the good in humanity (or at least your patience).

Whether they're loud, disrespectful, or a general whirlwind of chaos, the temptation to ban them might creep up. And that instinct? Totally normal.

"Part of you is probably tempted just to forbid your son from playing with this kid. But another part of you probably recognises that this could cause more harm than good," says Kennedy-Moore.

Jo Abi, a writer and mum, knows this all too well.

"My daughter Caterina is seven years old and she's little miss compliant. So she's one of those girls who is a follower not a leader, and I look at her and go "how did I have you?'," she revealed on a 2017 episode of The Parent Code podcast.

Like most parents, Jo envisioned raising a fierce, independent daughter. Instead, she found herself with a child tangled in a friendship that seemed to have more drama than an episode of Gossip Girl.

"My daughter, last year, had some very strong friendships, so she was told when she could have lunch, who she could play with, where she could stand to wait for people, and then she'd sort of get in trouble from this friend," Abi recounted.

"She'd come home and be like 'Mum, we broke up'. And I'd be like 'What do you mean?" and she'd reply 'Well, we're not BFFs anymore'. Then the next day? 'We got back together'."

She added, "So I have actively tried to encourage other friendships and I did it through play dates. Because I didn't want to discourage the strong friendship."

A Reddit user shared a similar situation, describing her son's friend as "super destructive and super rough".

"They were here three hours and by the time they left, my son's fire truck was disassembled with the hose ripped off, the kitchen oven handle was ripped off, and so many other toys just missing parts," they shared.

"She also is the kid who goes through all your stuff. Excuse me ma'am but all the toys are downstairs. You have no reason to be in my office going through my papers! And if I tell you not to go upstairs, don't talk back to me.

"Additionally, as a house guest, she is super demanding. Asking for something to drink — tell her the options and say no to everything.

"Sorry, I don't have your specific kind of soda you like… at dinner, she sat over the bowl of French fries shovelling them in her mouth like a maniac instead of putting them on her plate to be 'funny.'"

The Romeo and Juliet effect.

At this point, many parents would feel the urge to intervene and put a stop to the chaos.

But according to Kennedy-Moore, you may want to take a different approach to avoid falling victim to the 'Romeo and Juliet' effect. Yes, it's a real phenomenon. The American Psychological Association describes the 'Romeo and Juliet' effect as the tendency for people, often adolescents, to feel closer to their romantic or platonic partner when outside influences (e.g. parents) try to interfere in the relationship.

Why is it a bad idea? Firstly Kennedy-Moore says, "Your child is likely to blab, announcing publicly, 'My parents say I'm not allowed to play with you!' This makes you seem mean and could cause conflict with the other child's parents."

She adds, "But the most important reason for not forbidding this relationship is that friendship is personal. Kids can and should make their own decisions about who they like. We don't get to decide how our children feel."

Set rules, not bans.

Instead of cutting off the friendship, create boundaries within your own home.

If the friend constantly breaks toys or roughhouses, make your expectations clear. This allows you to maintain a level of control while also modelling good behaviour for your child.

"Different families have different ways of doing things. Rather than fuming silently, and having your irritation grow, you may want to talk directly to the friend to explain your expectations," Kennedy-Moore explains.

"Being clear about your rules makes it easier for the friend to respect them, which might lower your resentment.

"

For instance, you could say, 'In our family, we take our shoes off at the door,' 'We eat only in the kitchen,' 'Please ask before taking something out of the refrigerator,' or 'My bedroom is off-limits for playing."

Setting limits like no screens during playtime or no rough play can help avoid chaos while keeping the friendship in check.

"You may also want to set limits about when this child can come over," she continues. "You could say, 'You're welcome to play here until 5 p.m., then you need to head home because we're having family dinner" or "Please do not come over before 10 am on Saturdays.'"

Learning a lesson.

It's also a prime opportunity to provide your little one with a learning experience.

If you notice things are getting toxic, ask your child open-ended questions like, "How do you feel when your friend does that?" This encourages them to reflect and assess the friendship on their own.

"Sometimes kids stick with a not-so-kind friend because they feel they have no other options. We can't make friends for our kids, but we can create opportunities for them to make or deepen other friendships," Kennedy-Moore says."You could help your child get involved in new after-school activities or encourage him to invite different friends over for a playdate. You could also invite another family with kids your son's age over for a family game night.""Being around other, easier-to-deal-with friends might provide a useful contrast for your child."

Image: Warno Bros.