As told to Ann DeGrey
I've been married to Todd for 12 years and it was mostly a pretty good relationship. I wouldn't call it a perfect marriage, but it was solid enough. We got on very well as friends and had a few sparks left in the bedroom. Life got crazy busy after our second baby arrived; nappies, daycare, laundry, always too tired to talk properly, let alone be romantic.
So a few months ago, I told Todd, "Let's do one date night a week. Just the two of us."
I wanted to feel like a couple again, not just parents passing each other on the way to the kids' bedrooms.
He agreed. We found a babysitter through a Facebook community page; 19-year-old Olivia who lived nearby and said she had experience with toddlers. The kids loved her straight away. She brought stickers, made up songs, played hide and seek and gave them plenty of cuddles. As for me, I was just relieved to find someone reliable who was also affordable.
When I met her for the first time, I thought she'd be perfect as she was super friendly, confident, and always polite.
Then came the night the shit hit the fan in a major way.
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We'd just gotten home from dinner. Olivia said everything went well and hung around for a bit, chatting with Todd while I got changed. I'd just gotten changed and was heading back to the kitchen when I passed the baby monitor sitting on the bench. It was still on. That's when I heard voices; Olivia and Todd who were whispering in my daughter's room. At first, I thought they were just chatting. But then I heard what he said…
"You're too young to be this good with kids. What's your secret?"
She giggled and said something like, "Maybe I'm just good with dads."
Then I heard Todd say in a low voice, "Dangerous thing to say to a married man."
I just froze there because I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I waited for them in the living room and glared at Todd as he was giving Olivia her money.
When she left, I confronted him, telling him I heard him and Olivia flirting. He tried to brush it off, saying it was just harmless banter. Then I noticed him shove his phone in his pocket and I saw red.
"Have you been messaging her? Give me your phone," I demanded.
Thankfully, he handed me his phone. But that almost made it worse. It was like he genuinely thought there'd be nothing too bad in there. But there it was. The messages. It had started with Olivia texting him flirty, cheeky little comments.
Olivia: "You're way more fun than most of the dads I babysit for."
Todd: "Haha lucky me."
Olivia: "Lucky me. You're kinda hot for a dad."
Todd: "Careful what you say... you'll get me in trouble."
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Olivia: "Maybe I like trouble."
Todd: "Ha ha. Maybe I'd let you get away with it."
That was all I needed to see. I looked at him, my jaw practically on the floor.
He told me Olivia "started it" and that he was just "going along with it."
But he made no effort to shut it down. He kept those text messages going and actively invited it. He flirted back, knowing full well that this was a girl we trusted in our home, around our children. I was horrified that he could risk his young family for a young girl who'd never give him the time of day if she saw him out at a bar or a club. The strange thing is that, at the same time, I felt slightly relieved. I'd always wondered if Todd was the kind of man who'd cheat and now I had evidence — even if he wasn't having an affair with Olivia, those flirty messages told me he wasn't to be trusted.
The next day, I asked him to leave the house so I could have space for a few days. He packed a few things and went to stay with his sister. He constantly messaged me to say he was sorry, that it was all a joke, that he never intended anything to happen. Maybe he didn't. But the damage is done.
I'm in the process of divorcing him. I'm so upset that I organised those date nights because I wanted us to find our way back to each other. But now, all I can think about is that moment on the monitor, my husband flirting with someone who's barely out of school. Because once you hear the truth with your own ears, you can't pretend you didn't.
Feature Image: Getty.
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