sex

How to undress in front of your husband. According to the 1930s.

You could have been undressing wrong your entire life.

Well, according to this ridiculous video from the ’30s.

The video instructs housewives how to ‘properly disrobe’ in front of their husband. And it’s … it’s … very unsettling.

To see what we mean, watch the video below. Post continues after video.

Video via RetroTV

1. Be aware that ‘men have suffered’.

"Science has done nothing to make marriage safe for husbands ... Men have submitted, suffered and supported long enough."

This is how the clip begins, so we know we're in for a good ride.

Men have apparently 'suffered' through women not undressing 'artfully' enough (whatever that means). The narrator, Albert Van Antwerp, continues, "How about our women? Do they satisfy?” Housewives, understand that men can rely on their booze and cigarettes, but the jury’s still out on you."

2. Make sure there are no peeping toms.

Oh, the peeping tom epidemic of the '30s. You had to check under your bed, block out your keyhole and make sure no one was hiding in the folds of your shower curtain before getting undressed.

ADVERTISEMENT

Those were the days.

3. Remember, it's an 'art'.

We're introduced to actress Elaine Barrie (who completely forgot to block her keyhole, silly woman), then-wife of actor John Barrymore. Antwerp describes Ms Barrie a someone who "not only knows how to get a husband, but how to keep him." A fine skill indeed, Ms. Barrie, straight to the top of the class.

Antwerp continues, "She has a subtle artistic ability to inject suspense into her disrobing. It isn't what you obviously reveal, but what your artfully conceal."

4. Keep your heels on THE ENTIRE TIME.

"She has lovely eyes don't you think ... to tell you the truth I hadn't noticed." Of course you hadn't, Antwerp.

During this whole facade, Elaine managed to keep her heels on the entire time. Which, of course, is highly unrealistic on any level.

We all know they are the first to come off. And we definitely wouldn't be replacing them with heeled slippers. No siree.

5. Basically, don't be Trixie.

By point of comparison we're introduced to the delightfully-named Trixie Friganza. Who,if we're being perfectly honest, is all of us after a long day's work. She takes off her clothes as fast as possible, even chucking in a few grunts because, heck, why not?

Antwerp doesn't hold back in his disappointment with Trixie. Here are just a few gems:

"Her charm and allure were entirely forgotten."

"How her husband must thrill to such exotic charms, no wonder he has 'business' at the office. I'd have business in South Africa."

"Life is a bowl of cherries to Trixie, but she's the pitts."

"They'd have to be blind to take Trixie out."

Poor Trix, she's just trying to get into bed. We know the feeling.

Will you be using these tricks in the bedroom? Let us know in the comments.

Like this? Why not try ...

‘I’m not attracted to my wife any more. And I’m ashamed of the reason.’

‘I prostitute for a living. Here’s what I’ve learnt about your husbands.’

‘I hardly know my husband of 40 years. Or so the study says.’

00:00 / ???