What I told my daughter about the "creepy" girl at ballet.

Kids have no filter. But what do you say to them when what they blurt out isn’t funny, but cruel?

Toddler ballet is my daughter Caterina’s absolute favourite thing in the whole wide world. As I picked her up one Thursday afternoon and we chatted while we walked to the car she said, “Mum, there’s a girl who does ballet who is really creepy and I don’t like looking at her face.”

I was completely shocked.

But I immediately knew who she was talking about. There is a little girl in class whose face isn’t the same as the other little girls and it makes her look very different. She has a facial birth defect.

I asked Caterina if she was talking about the girl I was thinking of, and she said yes.

“Creepy isn’t a nice word to use,” I explained calmly, as I strapped her into her car seat.

“But she creeps me out mum. Her face is creepy.”

I knew that conversation my daughter and I were about to have was going to be one of the most important ones of our lives. I want a daughter who is kind, compassionate and understanding. I also want a daughter who is comfortable discussing things with me openly and honestly.

I was happy we were having this conversation in the car because it kept it casual.

"Still, creepy isn't a nice word to use because it could upset her. Could you just say that her face is different?"

"And creepy."

"Yes, but creepy isn't a nice word. Her face is different, she was born that way and she can't change it. But on the inside she's just the same as you. Imagine if someone called you creepy."

"But my face isn't creepy," Caterina seemed quite shocked at the suggestion.

"Yes, it isn't now but we can all have accidents that make our faces look different and we would never want anyone to say anything bad about them. Like, imagine if you got a mozzie bite on your cheek and your face swelled on one side because you are allergic to them and everyone called you creepy. How would you feel?"

"I would just tell everybody that I had a mozzie bite."

"Yes, but what I am saying is that she can't help it and she can't change it. She doesn't want to talk about it. Just say hi and talk to her like you would any other girl and you'll be friends."

It took a couple of weeks but I noticed Caterina talking to the girl and I was happy with that. It reminded me that I have to be sure to have this conversation with all of my children.

We're not all the same on the outside but we are the same on the inside. It's okay to notice physical differences, but it's what's inside that counts.

How do you explain differences to your children? Did I do it right?