How to talk to children of every age about the Bondi terror attack, according to a grief counsellor.

In the wake of the horrific attack in Bondi, many parents are asking the same question: How could this happen, and how do I talk to my child about something so shocking, violent, and upsetting?

I know as a mum-of-four, I wish I didn't have to talk to my kids about this. I desperately want my kids to live in a world where this isn't a reality.

But I also know this isn't possible, and it's much better for them to have this conversation with me than friends or the internet.

The biggest thing I want all parents to know is this: none of us feel confident or sure about the right way to talk to kids about something so awful.

It makes complete sense to feel out of your depth. Most of us are shaken ourselves.

But the truth is, if you go gently, start with connection, listen to your instincts about what your child needs, and go slowly, you will be exactly what your child needs in this moment.

Kids don't need us to get the words perfectly right in these moments; they just need to know we are with them in their emotions, and there is no right or wrong way to have this conversation.

For anyone seeking some guidance, below are some tips for where to start.

Watch: Understanding cortisol and trauma's impact on the body. Post continues below.

1. Begin with curiosity.

Many children have already become aware of what happened through the news playing in the background, something a friend said at school, or snippets picked up from social media.

Kids can even pick up on our emotions without actually hearing anything, and when that happens, without us filling in some gaps, they tend to piece together what they 'think' might've happened.

It's better to hear it from us. 

The best place to start is to get a sense of what they know, have heard or seen. This gives you a solid place to begin. A good place to begin is with a question.

"What have you heard?"

"What do you know about what happened?"

2. Keep it honest and clear.

Answer questions honestly, directly, and in an age-appropriate way. Keep your language simple. Let the conversation unfold naturally rather than turning it into a one-off "big talk."

Silence is okay too; sometimes children need time to process before they respond.

Here are some examples of what you can say to children about what happened in the Bondi terror attacks for different ages:

The wording you use will depend on your child's age and what they already know.

For younger children, keep it brief and reassuring:

"Some bad people hurt a lot of people at Bondi. It would have been scary for everyone who was there. The police have caught the people, and there is no more danger. The ambulance officers, doctors, nurses and lifeguards worked very hard to help the people who were hurt. It makes sense if this feels sad or scary — I feel sad too. If you have questions or want to talk more, you can always come to me."

For older children, listening becomes even more important — particularly given what they may have heard through friends or social media. They need honesty, spoken calmly and clearly. This includes naming the truth:

"People hurt Jewish families who were celebrating Hanukkah. This was a vicious attack, and it is called antisemitism."

It's okay, and important to acknowledge the emotions that come with this:

"It makes sense to feel scared or angry about this. What happened was wrong and deeply upsetting. I feel angry and sad too."

Naming injustice helps children make sense of the world without carrying confusion or self-blame.

3. You don't need to protect your child from emotions.

One of the biggest misconceptions in parenting is that our job is to shield children from hard feelings. It isn't. Our job is to sit alongside them in those feelings so they don't have to carry them alone.

Fear, sadness, anger and confusion are normal responses to something like this. Allowing space for those emotions without rushing to fix them or make them disappear is what helps children process and feel safe. You don't need the perfect words.

Because this event has affected so many of us deeply, it's okay and often helpful to talk to another adult first. Process some of what you are feeling before you sit down with your kids. That might help you feel grounded enough to be the calm, steady presence they need.

4. Focus on safety, and look for the helpers.

Kids need reassurance that they are safe. We can do that by keeping their routines happening and reminding them that everyone is safe now.

The other thing we can do is focus kids on the helpers, the lifeguards, the doctors, the strangers. You can talk to your kids about how we can help, by donating blood or checking in on neighbours, or friends.

I love this quote from Fred Rogers:

Image: Canva.

5. You are enough.

In moments like these, parents often doubt themselves. We worry we might say the wrong thing, create fear, or make it worse.

But your child doesn't need you to have all the answers. They need you to be calm enough to listen, honest enough to help them name what's hard, and loving enough to sit with them while they feel it.

Connection is the protective factor that makes all the difference.

If you go gently, create space, and stay open, irrespective of what you say. You are doing exactly what they need.

Gen Muir is a Grief Counsellor, Parent Educator and mum-of-four. You can find her at connectedparenting.com.au Facebook and Instagram .

How to help following the Bondi Beach shooting.

In the aftermath of the Bondi Beach shooting, many people are searching for meaningful ways to help during the incredibly distressing time. If you're able:

You can support victims and their families by donating to verified GoFundMe fundraisers established in response to the attack here.

By giving blood at your nearest Australian Red Cross Lifeblood centre, to help those receiving medical care. Find your nearest donation centre here.

You can also pay your respects and share messages of support via the NSW Government's Online Condolence Book, which offers comfort and solidarity to those affected. You can sign the book here.

Feature Image: Getty.