Content warning: This post includes discussion of stillbirth that may be distressing to some readers.
Trudy Vains can't remember much of the 15 years she spent as an alcoholic. But what she remembers is how it all began.
Indicative of Australia's binge-drinking culture, Trudy grew up surrounded by alcohol. In her early years, drinking was associated with fun and partying - but one drink often spiralled into many.
There was an element of peer pressure about it, with those who didn't have a drink at the party labelled 'boring'. So Trudy would always take the drink. When her boyfriend at the time pushed her into drinking, she gave in. Trudy felt the repercussions of saying no to this narcissistic, controlling man weren't worth it. So she drank.
It soon turned into a toxic 15-year cycle of drinking. And it was a cycle that impacted Trudy's life in all facets - but particularly her relationships with her immediate family.
Today, Trudy is sober and has been for the past 12 years. She's a bright and hardworking woman, passionate about yoga, and is about to become a marriage celebrant. But there are some things that sobriety doesn't completely fix - because the damage has already been done.
Watch: Fiona O'Loughlin on the impact of alcoholism. Post continues below.
While Trudy's relationship with alcohol continued to spiral, she also faced a string of unrelated challenges.
"During this period I had a child die at birth, which was very traumatic. That drove me into even more drinking," Trudy said.
Then, in 1988, Trudy was hit by a car. Five years later, she was involved in two additional accidents - both as a passenger in a car. In one instance, the driver sideswiped a tree, and in the other, the driver fell asleep on the highway and hit a tree at 100km.
In 2007, Trudy's bad luck continued. Her car was hit from behind at a set of lights, and a few months later someone reversed into her car while she was getting out of it. 2009 was the final accident - her car hit from behind while at a stop sign. All of these accidents had serious consequences on her mind and body.
Of course with grief comes trauma. And how Trudy coped with hers was through alcohol.
"There's sadly a good 15 years of my life that I don't recall because there were so many drunken blackouts. You don't know how you end up in bed, nor do you know what you did that day or the day before. It's scary," Trudy said to Mamamia.
"Someone would ask me 'how many drinks do you have?' And I'd say 'five or six'. But in reality, it was ten. Grief is a very, very big reason why people drink. So is low self-esteem."
Trudy managed to leave her narcissistic ex-boyfriend, and find love with her now-husband Craig. But the drinking still sadly lingered. And it began to impact Trudy's relationships with her kids and stepchildren.
"Between Craig and I, we have four kids. I can't remember much from that time - it's a bit of a black fog. I know I would slur a lot and get the kids to go fill up my wineglass. My drink of choice was always wine - so was my husband's. I didn't like arguments though, so I wasn't aggressive when drinking. But I was messy. I would just blackout on the floor."
To this day, Trudy's son is estranged from her.
Trudy's daughter Emily however is still in her life, something that Trudy is very grateful for.
"I've had to come to terms with my son. Our daughter Emily also saw so much - but she has also seen me change my life. Emily has since said she will never touch a drop of alcohol, given what she has witnessed. Our kids grew up with two parents for alcoholics. They had it tough."
Trudy with her daughter Emily and husband Craig. Image: Supplied.
In 2009, Trudy received a call that brought her world crashing down.
Her brother Michael had died in a fatal head-on collision with another car on a long stretch of road in Central Queensland.
It was this event in particular that forced Trudy to reassess the life she was living. Because Trudy knew deep down that things had to change - not only for her own sake, but for her family too.
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