What's the best way to praise your child?

There are already so many ‘wrong’ ways to raise our kids. We can’t let them watch too much TV, eat the cereal they like or taunt the family cat while naked (ok, maybe that’s for good reason).

Now we even have to think twice about praising our kids for a job well done.

At the moment, the trend in parenting is to avoid saying to our kids “ You’re so clever!” or even “Good boy!”.

Apparently we are supposed to use supportive wording that encourages effort rather than giving the child a label.

So instead of saying “You’re so smart”, we have to say “Well done for trying hard” and “You’ve done a good job there!”

Because calling them smart locks them into a mindset that can actually prevent them from making effort down the track.

Or something.

Can I call please time on all these intricate dos and don’ts of parenting? Do we really have to think twice about what we’re going to say every time we open our mouths?

I’m all for variety in the way we speak to our kids but perhaps we’re overthinking this.

At one of my friend’s child’s day care centres, the carers avoid using the words ‘No’, or ‘Naughty’. The philosophy behind this is that calling a child naughty labels him or her and that saying ‘No’ conveys disapproval.

Which is true. But sometimes you gotta use a strong word to let them know that what they’re doing is wrong.

I do try to choose my words carefully when interacting with my toddler. But let’s face it, sometimes phrases like “Why don’t we try drawing on the paper instead of the walls?” and “Darling, the doggie doesn’t like it when you try to fit Mummy’s lipstick in his bottom,” just don’t cut it.

A good old-fashioned “NO!” is more than justifiable on many an occasion.

Sometimes as a parent the constant explaining is just too much. I get to a point where I don’t want to patiently justify for the fifteenth time that we’re not going outside at 8pm in the pouring rain. The answer is no and that’s all there is to it. No more arguing, now go to bed so that Mummy can watch The Bachelorette.

The thing that gets me about all these random child raising theories is that yes they are often research based, but often on small focus groups. And there’s no accounting for the fact that each child is so very different and that as a parent you need to figure out what’s best for them, for you and for your family.

What’s more, have you ever once looked at an adult and made an assumption about how they were brought up?

I don’t look at my neighbour and secretly hypothesise that he wasn’t breastfed. I don’t examine my colleagues and figure that they were probably allowed to watch Indiana Jones movies before they were mentally ready to. And I certainly don’t raise an eyebrow at my friends and question if their mothers told them ‘No’ too much.

How much do all these tiny nuances really impact in the long term if a child is raised in a safe, loving environment? I suspect it is actually very little.

Do you avoid saying ‘no’ to your child?