Here it is in one sentence: act like a man.
In the brilliant book I Love Female Orgasm, author Dorian Solot points out what is blatantly obvious but ignored. That guys don’t lie back waiting hopefully for their partners to give them an orgasm during intercourse, they do whatever it takes to get themselves there.
They’ll thrust in a certain way, rhythm, angle or speed, do it in their favourite position, make sure they have the right fantasies they need playing in their heads and are looking at what they want to see. “Guys make it clear that they expect to have lots of sexual pleasure, and an orgasm, and they assume the sexual interlude will continue until they do,” Dorian says. It’s up to you to do the same.
Think about what you need. What position, technique, pressure and pace, what headspace you need to be in, any ‘extras’ (stimulation elsewhere) you need, then go for it!
Don’t just be active, be proactive. Jump on top, pull out your vibe, put his fingers there, hump part of his body. Think ‘How do I put pressure on the clitoris’ and do whatever it takes to do that.
Do women need to stop faking orgasms? Mia Freedman, Monique Bowley and Jessie Stephens discuss on Mamamia Out Loud.
Have ‘femoral’ intercourse
Instead of him penetrating, use his penis as a masturbatory tool. This works best if you’re on top. Put lube on the shaft and wrap your labial lips around him, sliding up and down the shaft, letting it rub against your clitoris.
A him-on-top version: you keep your legs squeezed tightly shut and he runs his pre-lubed penis between your legs and vaginal lips, grazing the clitoris.