"129 ways to find a husband": The utterly cringeworthy magazine article from the 50s.

Excuse me while I go to my high school reunion to look for a widower while sobbing quietly in the corner holding a hat box.

Yes.

That sentence sums up three of the “129 ways to find a husband” according to a 1950s magazine and OH, this must be why I am single.

Thank the heavens my hunt for a husband has been saved.

via GIPHY

American women’s magazine McCall’s published the list in 1958 and it is no less than utterly ridiculous.

Of course, this was before the sexual revolution of the 1960s, when it was still common for men and women to adhere to strict gender roles. After the devastation of the Great Depression and World War II, while many women did enter the workforce, social norms dictated the role of a woman primarily as wife and mother.

Oh how far we’ve come.

Some women, shock horror, actually choose not to marry these days.

Not to mention some who actually don’t marry men.

But hey, if you are single and sick of dating apps – the article offers up a variety of, um, interesting suggestions on where to find a hubby, how to let him know you’re there, and how to keep him.

It is, of course, deeply problematic, but also hilarious.

A panel of 16 apparently took part in the “How to Find a Husband” brainstorm and we wonder how many people actually tested these tips out.

The list was shared by Facebook user Kim Marx-Kuczynski, and you can feast your eyes on all 129 tips here, with some included below.

Here are my personal favourites:

"Get lost at football games."

Okay, sure.

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"Don’t take a job in a company run largely by women."

Oh...drats.

"Don’t be afraid to associate with more attractive girls; they may have some leftovers."

Leftovers.

"Change apartments from time to time."

BECAUSE THAT WOULDN'T BE INCONVENIENT AT ALL.

"Stumble when you walk into a room that he’s in."

"Hello, I am here and I've rolled my ankle."

"Wear a Band-Aid. People always ask what happened."

via GIPHY

"Make a lot of money."

UM, OKAY.

"Stand in the corner and cry softly. Chances are good that he’ll come over to find out what’s wrong."

I don't even...know.

"Learn how to bake tasty apple pies. Bring one in to the office and let the eligible bachelors taste it."

Sorry, female colleagues, you are not allowed to eat the delicious pie. It is for my future husband.

"'Accidentally' have your purse fly open, scattering its contents all over the street."

Well this just has disaster written all over it.

"Get a sunburn."

Huh?

"Turn wolves into husband material by assuming they have honour."

I repeat: huh?

"Get a hunting license."

We see what you did there.

"If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he’s fat too, tell him you’re adopted!"

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And my very favourite: "Carry a hatbox."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯.