MADELEINE WEST: 'This truth about keeping kids safe leaves parents curled up in the fetal position.'

As an educator in online safety, I regularly present in schools. I speak to parents, students and teachers to help guide how they navigate online spaces, and how to do so safely.

Sadly, part of my role is to take disclosures from students who have run into trouble.

Those disclosures would make most parents' jaws drop, and their skin crawl.

But the one revelation guaranteed to have nearly every parent curling into the fetal position is how so much of our social media activity is actively endangering our kids.

It takes just one #firstdayofschool snap posted publicly on social media. From that, I can learn enough about your child to convince them not only that I am their friend, but to actually get into my car. 

It takes less than 60 seconds…

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Let me qualify that by saying just how savvy most kids are. Parents across Australia; you should be proud. The 'stranger danger' message works. At any one school, across the country, when I ask: 'Hey, if I came up to you after school and told you I was giving you a lift home, what would you do?'

I will be met with resounding calls of 'NO WAY! You're a stranger!'

Music to my ears…but there's a catch. In this era where we've replaced the physical villages of old with online communities, it takes no time at all for a diligent scroller to infiltrate your life, and that of your kids.

How?

On Instagram or Facebook, search #firstdayofschool or #backtoschool to open 4.6 and 18.5 million posts respectively, peppered with images of children in uniform, school-bound. Specifying a local school unlocks between 100 and 2000 entries. Tap on the smiling face of a pigtailed girl in her new school uniform and land on the public account of the poster. Hypothetically, her mum, and most of us use our real name in our social media handles so immediately I know where that girl goes to school and her mother's name. Scrolling through mum's account, there's that girl sitting in front of a Barbie cake with seven candles. #happybirthdaybaby! Posted June 12. Now I have her date of birth. 

There's a post of this little girl with a puppy in her arms 'Meet our new #puppy #harvey'. Now I know the name of her pet. Magnifying a post about a #schoolexcursion, the little name-tag stuck to her uniform reveals her name is Helen. Keep scrolling. There she is at pony club, with similar posts every Wednesday. The insignia of the club in the background or tag @kingscliffponyclub alerts me to where Helen goes on Wednesday afternoons. There she is at a #surfcompetition clutching a hot pink surfboard and a clutch of #hittingtheslopes shots in a purple ski suit.

As mentioned earlier, were I to approach that young girl at the school gate and inform her that I have to take her home, stranger danger awareness would reward me with a big fat 'NO!' 

But were I to approach that little girl saying "Hi Helen, your mummy Nora just called, little Harvey got hit by a car so I'm taking you to pony club", there's every likelihood that she would get into my car. If she questioned who I was, I'd smile "of course you know me! I was at your birthday party with that amazing Barbie cake! Oh by the way, my little girl, Lisa, wanted to know if she could borrow your pink surfboard?"

What would her response be?

The sheer amount of insider knowledge accrued from just 60 seconds scrolling through a public social media account immediately transforms me from stranger to friend.  

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The internet IS a hunting ground. That most beloved of modern-day convenience encourages predation precisely because it guarantees anonymity, fosters lawlessness and gives access to kids.

As parents, it is not enough to demand the Government and the education department roll out more stringent controls. Neither body has any power over what our children do online in their bedroom. When WE hand a child a device we are not just giving them access to the world. We are giving the world access to them.

Ultimately, WE have power over our devices.

So privatise accounts, restrict access, create strong passwords with password managers, don't post pics of your kids on public accounts, keep software up-to-date, know who follows you, and don't share personal information. Listen to your instincts and be vigilant for red flags in your child's behavior. Most importantly, listen to them.

Keeping our kids safe online is finally getting the attention it deserves. Laws are changing rapidly, and extraordinary legal and statutory instruments are available to keep us safe online. But they are only operable if we learn to understand what to look out for and report what we see. Being available to your child to help them navigate online engagement safely, encouraging them to speak up and guiding them in reporting can literally save lives....but only if we learn to safely navigate the space ourselves. We all want to celebrate the lives of our kids with the world, but we don't need to invite the world into our kids lives to do it.

Madeleine West is an online safety educator with ctrl+shft.

Feature Image: Instagram: @msmadswest.

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