'I was dumped twice by the same guy. Here are 7 things I wish I'd known before my breakup.'

I’ve been dumped.

I know, I can already hear your inner thoughts saying, 'Well, duh, lots of people get dumped.'

But I was dumped not once. But twice. By the same guy. Over a period of six months. After moving in with him both times.

While you're here, watch the Mamamia team confess the dumb reasons why they were dumped. Post continues after video.

Here are a few things I wish I’d known before my breakup:

Your body does weird sh*t.

My periods have always been regular, and I’ve been lucky enough to never have extreme period pain. During my downward post-breakup spiral, I bled for multiple weeks during my usual follicular and ovulation phases. It was scary. 

My doctor confirmed it was stress related. I was putting my organs under so much pressure, they’d gotten confused.

I also got lots of big pimples. Not the cute little ones that you can easily cover with some concealer. These were mammoth clusters of pus. Two or three whiteheads would somehow gather in the same spot and last for weeks. 

I’d always had a few pimples here and there, but these were like having islands protruding from my face. 

I tried all the things but nothing worked. At a time when your confidence is at an all-time low, it’s not great having a separate island protruding from your face. I ended up eventually going to a doctor who prescribed me antibiotics and a topical cream.

It’s okay to want to hibernate and crawl into a hole. Feel those feelings.

I’ve always been prone to hibernating. It’s how I heal myself when I’m going through a rough patch. I tend to block off all communication with the outside world, and wallow in my feelings. It’s not the healthiest solution, but I feel you’ve got to do what works best for you.

However, once you’ve had a few days of being a vegetable, get back out there. Not the dating scene, but just back to doing life. I had so many friends and my beautiful Mum tell me that saying yes to things I didn’t really want to go to was the best thing.

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It meant I wasn’t dwelling on my ex, or the life that could’ve been. I was distracted, and sometimes that’s a really good way of getting through it. Time really does help heal wounds. See, Mum, I was listening.

It’s okay to miss them even if they did dump you... twice.

You’ll miss them. I really didn’t want to. Especially after being dumped twice. But I did. As much as I wanted to hate them immediately, like flicking a switch, I’m only human. You’ll miss the comfort of coming home to someone, and the security of a routine. If you’re an anxious bug like me, routine is everything, and not having that can knock you around.

I also really miss my ex’s family. They were nothing but great to me. I still get a little pang in my tummy when I see his sister pop up on my Instagram feed, or a cute puppy reel I would’ve sent her.

Then there are the furry friends you get attached to as well. Even though you know they’ll be cared for and continue to live the spoilt life, it doesn’t stop you from wanting to check in on them or missing their snuggles on the couch after a day of work.

Something I did to help me get through this, that I still use when I have a moment of self-pity, is create a list of all the reasons the relationship didn’t work. Whether it was something your partner did you found hurtful, or even just remembering a feeling of disappointment when something didn’t feel quite right.

You will lose people and that’s okay.

There’s always collateral damage in a breakup. The friends caught in the crossfire who sometimes pick a side or feel they must out of loyalty. A big punch back to reality for me was losing people who I thought were my friends. People I’d come to love, and thought we’d had a real connection. The people you think might message you after a breakup, even though you know deep down their loyalty is to your ex.

When this phase dawned on me, I got through it by remembering the great friends that I know will stick by me no matter what. The loyal ones who offer to help you move your things out for the second time, so you don’t have to go back to a place that’s tinged with regrets. The girlfriends who will continue to invite you out to dinner, even though you’ve bailed on them twice in the past fortnight because you had a crying fit on the way home and just wanted to hibernate. The work colleagues who know you’ve split with 'the boyfriend' again, and subtly check in on you when there’s no one else around. Those legends who make life great. I’m so bloody grateful for them.

Make time for things that make you feel like you.

Once I had moved past the initial pain of the relationship ending, I started making time for things I hadn’t done for a while. Things that brought me joy, like a self-care session on a Sunday night. I’m talking about hair masks, facials, and putting together my list of things to do for the week ahead. I also found more time to read, after not being able to finish a book for months.

I also ran a marathon. I’ve always loved running, and no longer felt guilty for taking a few hours on a Sunday morning to do something that I loved.

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If you need to vent to an objective third party, see a therapist.

This time in my life saw me return to therapy. I’d done it years before, and it had been useful to help me get out of a slump. Having someone to vent to that didn’t have any connection to my life was wonderful. Rattling off all my inner thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussions allowed me to let go of lots of things and move on.

You’re not alone.

Everyone has something they’re going through. Whether it’s relationship drama, family drama, or problems at work. In the words of my brutally honest Mum, everyone’s got their own sh*t happening behind the scenes. We’re all bumbling our way through this crazy thing called life, and if anyone tells you they’ve got their whole life figured out, they are in my opinion, a bit of a doodle. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, and talk to your workmates around the kettle in the kitchen. 

If the past six months have taught me anything, it’s that perspective is a wonderful thing, and time really does help to heal all wounds.

Sammy Rose is a journalist and newsreader at Canberra’s Mix 106.3 radio station. When she’s not reading the headlines, you’ll find her scoping out online sales and making many wish lists of items she can’t afford. She also has an adorable chubby corgi named Archie and drinks multiple cups of tea in a day. You can follow her on Instagram  here.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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