'I've come to a conclusion about myself. I'm just not a good friend.'

I’m not a good friend.

I don’t really know why, it’s not like I do it intentionally. It’s not as if I wake up and decide to be an asshole.

But I can acknowledge now that I’m not really a good friend.

I don’t let people in. That might seem stupid considering a lot of my life is on social media. But there’s a lot, of course, that isn’t, and I choose not to share as I d on’t see the point in burdening others with my problems.

I also struggle with the expectations of others.

You see, I really don’t like being told what to do. I especially don’t like it when people expect me to behave or think or act in a certain way – which I feel sometimes happens in a friendship.

I don’t want people telling me what I should and should not do.

By the same token, I don’t cope well with needy people. You know the kind; the ones that require constant attention, activities and conversation about nothing.

And I’m not into people that try to tell me to play it safe and small.

So maybe that does make me a terrible friend.

Maybe that why I’ve lost a lot of people in my life.

Or maybe they just weren’t my people.

I don’t really know, and I don’t think I’ll ever really have the answer.

But if you are okay with me being a less than amazing friend, you don’t mind swearing, drinking gin and brutal honesty… then I’m your girl.

If you’re okay with the fact I’ll be more excited for you when you get that promotion, win that competition or dead lift 110 kilos than you will be… then I’m definitely your girl.

If you’re okay with the fact I’m extremely ambitious and I will always want to see you strive to reach your potential… then I’m your girl.

If you’re okay with dirty jokes, food puns, lots of swear words and sitting on the floor drinking wine on a Tuesday night… then I’m your girl.

If you’re down for real deal soul changing conversations about the purpose of life, different parenting styles through the centuries and personal growth… then I’m your girl

If you’re down for fiercely supporting each other even though we might only see each other six times a year… then I’m your girl.

If you’re into being in a “open friendship” and not getting jealousy every time I catch up with another mum for coffee… then I’m your girl.

I’m done trying to fit into a perfect little box, and done trying to play small in an attempt to make other people feel comfortable.

This is me. I like me. Too bad if you don’t.

Because by being 100% me… I’ll be able to bring people into my life that love me for the right reasons.