The way narcissists choose their next victim will make your skin crawl.

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When psychologist Lara Crowe asked a self-aware narcissist one simple question for her research, his answer changed everything we thought we knew about abuse.

The conversation was clinical and professional, until she asked one thing that made him visibly uncomfortable.

"Do you have a type? What kind of person do you target?" she asked.

She watched as he shifted in his seat, looked away, then smiled a "cold smile."

Lara noted she had seen that smile before.

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"You really want to know?" he asked.

What he shared will make your skin crawl.

It also defied everything we think we know about narcissistic victim selection.

Who narcissists really target.

Most of us assume narcissists prey on the vulnerable; those who are already insecure. We picture victims as people with low self-esteem, seeking validation.

We know about the manipulation tactics narcissists use: gaslighting that makes partners doubt their own sanity, the cycle of praise followed by criticism and devaluation, the isolation from friends and family…

But Lara's conversation, which she has since shared on Instagram, revealed something far more sinister about not just how they behave, but why — and exactly how they choose their victims.

The terrifying truth about their "type."

"I don't go for the broken ones," he said.

"Everyone thinks we do. But broken people are ... boring. They're already defeated. Where's the fun in that?"

His type?

"I hunt the healers. The ones who see good in everyone. The ones who think love can fix anything."

Lara then asked the natural follow-up. Why?

"Because the healers have something I need. Hope. Light. Endless forgiveness," he said.

"They don't just love you — they believe in you. Even when you show them who you really are."

The psychology behind the hunt.

The narcissist's explanation revealed the twisted logic behind their victim selection.

"Breaking someone who's already broken? Child's play," he said.

"But taking someone whole and watching them crumble piece by piece? That's... intoxicating."

It's not about finding easy targets — it's about the thrill of destruction. They specifically seek out people with the strongest capacity for love, forgiveness, and healing because these qualities provide the greatest challenge and the most satisfying conquest.

How they spot their targets.

When Lara asked how he identifies potential victims, his response was disturbingly methodical.

"It's easy to spot them. They apologise when you bump into them. They make excuses for other people's bad behaviour. They say things like 'everyone deserves love' and 'people can change.'"

"They're the ones who stay late to help coworkers. Who give homeless people money. Who rescue stray animals. Empaths are like walking targets with neon signs."

It's not about finding easy targets — it's about the thrill of destruction. Image: Getty.

But perhaps the most disturbing aspect of his confession was how he described the aftermath.

"The best part? They blame themselves when it goes wrong. 'Maybe I wasn't patient enough.' 'Maybe I didn't love them right.' 'Maybe I'm too sensitive.' They destroy themselves for us. We don't even have to do the work."

He shared that he deliberately targets people whose natural inclination is to look inward when relationships fail, to question themselves rather than their partner's behaviour.

Lara's findings led her to an important realisation for anyone who might recognise themselves in this description.

"If you're reading this and feeling seen — you were probably targeted for your light, not your darkness. Your kindness isn't weakness. Your empathy isn't a flaw. Your ability to love isn't the problem," she wrote.

"The problem is when you give these gifts to people who see them as tools. If you're a healer, a giver, an empath - you're not broken. You're valuable."

The dangerous attraction and the warning sign.

Therapist Jacqui Manning explained why this dynamic is so common and so destructive.

"Narcissists can be attracted to empaths because they provide the warmth and validation the narcissist craves and empaths are attracted to narcissists because they think they can 'fix' them and they have a natural tendency to see the good in others," she told Mamamia.

"It is wise in any relationship to see the reality, not some romanticised version."

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According to Manning, there are three specific red flags that can help you identify a narcissist early in the relationship.

Love-bombing: "This can feel romantic and wonderful but if he's giving you too much immediately (gifts, future-talk, dazzling over the top compliments) you may need to take a breath and consider if it's real," she explained.

Self-centeredness: Look for someone who is "continually self-centered and often with an inflated sense of their own importance."

Lack of empathy: Watch for "a lack of empathy or understanding for you or others they talk about and interact with," Manning warned.

If you're someone who naturally gives, heals, and sees the good in others, Manning said there are four crucial protection strategies.

"Listen to your gut — if you're feeling like something is off, take some space away from the narcissist's orbit and some time to examine your feelings," she said.

"Set boundaries and stick to them and don't over-explain your actions or needs ... it will waste your energy as ultimately they don't care."

Her last tip is to practise something she called "grey-rocking."

"This is essentially where you act like a rock, giving out no or little information, feelings, reactions and let their performance wash around you, not taking any of it in," Manning explained. "It can be a buffer to help you get the energy and strength to do what you ultimately should, which is leave."

Understanding this twisted selection process is the first step in protection.

And if you've fallen victim to this? It's not because you're weak, but because you're strong in all the ways they wish they could be. Your capacity for love, healing, and forgiveness are gifts — but they're gifts that should be earned, not exploited.

If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Feature Image: Getty.

You can hear more from 'The Friendly Psychologist' Jacqui Manning on Instagram or reach out on her website.