'I'm pregnant for the second time, and there's one mistake I'm fighting not to repeat.'

Mothers, no matter their age, occupation, race or financial status, will have one thing in common: mum guilt.

With my first child, I felt it so hard that I believed being fully attentive and present with my daughter meant that I was a good mum.

I read fear-mongering articles about how scrolling on your phone and watching TV would negatively impact their development. I interpreted this to mean that any form of missed eye contact was depriving my child of a happy and healthy childhood. I deactivated all my social media accounts, refrained from seeing my friends and stopped watching the footy on Thursday nights.

I would record every time she had a wet nappy, a bowel movement, and all of her sleep times. I would look over as she slept to make sure she was breathing. Late in the evening, I would be on Google reading all the information it had to offer on sleep regressions.

I was fully committed to the mum gig and, even if on the rare occasion I was away from her, I was constantly checking in to see how my daughter was going. The answer was always the same — she was fine. I refused to believe this because surely nobody knew my daughter better than me.

Being her mother became my whole identity. The result? A lost sense of identity, mum rage and feeling burnt out. I needed to learn who I was again.

Watch: Are you a toxic boy mum? Post continues after video.

Then suddenly, I fell pregnant. I knew things had to change this time. I approached this pregnancy with more mental preparation, and I was forcibly convincing myself that everything was chill. However, slowly but surely, the guilt crept over me again like a wave to the shore.

But this time, I was fully aware that this would happen. I was more open to dialogue with my mum friends and, as I am still on maternity leave, I am ensuring that I leave the house. As I catch up with my mum friends at local cafés, at art exhibitions, bookshops or parks, I am hearing a common theme: a sense of not doing or being enough. Mum guilt.

My mum friends are absolutely admirable. Amongst them, women in leadership, women who are highly educated, and women with such open and generous hearts. Yet laughably, they all have the same concerns. Is formula really worse than breast milk? Is it bad to rock their babies to sleep? Is it bad to want to take a break from their children? The answer each time was so obvious to me. But I, too, asked and continue to ask the same questions.

Sara*, a mum friend in her later thirties, conceived what she calls her "miracle baby". Having had to conceive her previous two children through IVF due to fertility issues, Sara conceived her third child naturally. But, having been financially unprepared for a third child, she is forced to return to work before her baby is six months old. Is she doing the right thing by her new baby? Well, if the two options are homelessness and spending more time with her child, I think the answer is obvious.

Andrea*, a mother of two, wanted to change her career from a vet technician to a more corporate setting. This switch meant working longer hours and further away, leading to less time at home and less time with her young family. But, more importantly, she found that she missed the animals. She found them kinder than humans. Andrea didn't find happiness in her new corporate setting — however, she's fortunate to have had the opportunity to learn firsthand that this was not the right move for her or her family. Did she do the right thing by exploring another career path? Now, she doesn't have to wonder "what if", as she took the leap and reignited her passion for working with animals.

Rose*, a new mum at her absolute wits' end due to her second baby's low sleep needs, found herself in a dark place. Working in the mental health field, she knew that she had to seek help. She reached out to her friends, she worked with a sleep coach, she went to therapy and tried medication. If the options were to prioritise her mental health to better cater to the needs of her baby, or to suffer in silence, again, it is obvious that she chose the right pill.

It just goes to show that the perils of mum guilt, adjusting to life as a new mother, and the pressures of motherhood do not discriminate.

Listen to the hosts of This Glorious Mess talk about mum guilt. Post continues below.

Every mother has their own ideologies, approach and style. Each answer unique to their context. Some use the cry-it-out method, others co-sleep. Through their tears, fears, frustrations and uncertainty, their children have been growing alongside them. Their children are healthy, happy and so damn cute.

Though there are mountains of articles, books and research on topics on the wellbeing of children and different styles of parenting, I have found that it is best to take everything with a grain of salt. Some things work, some things don't. Each child is different, and each parent interacts differently to their child. But one thing that I am sure of in my journey as a mother is that it is imperative to band together to lift each other up. There should be no shaming each other; just open minds and open hearts.

As I approach the end of my maternity leave, my mum guilt is slowly creeping up again, though I try to stifle it with love and compassion. Is going back to work the right decision? Should I change my career path so that I am able to be more present at home? Am I sending my child to the right place for care?

It is a cycle that never ends. That's why your mum guilt is overrated. There is no place for it in your heart or mind. You are doing the best job you can, mama.

Angela Buenaventura is an inclusive education teacher, writer and mother of two. Motherhood has given Angela the bravado needed to take more risks. Follow her on Instagram @finding.angela.

Feature Image: Supplied.