'I watched Hot Frosty on Netflix and I just have one thing to say.'

Netflix just made a Christmas rom-com about a snowman and I guess we're just doing anything now, huh? We're in a romantic male lead scarcity crisis and this frozen hunky statue is the cure. 

Hot Frosty dropped on Netflix in recent weeks, the latest in a cheesy Christmas movie schedule that will see viewers enjoying four new festive films — including one where Chad Michael Murray plays a stripper.

Delightful! 

But in Hot Frosty, we're going wholesome and whimsical with a plot that boldly asks the question, 'what if you hooked up with your local snowman this Christmas'?

Much like Taylor Swift's album Red, the central character is a scarf.

Lacey Chabert — of Mean Girls fame — stars as Kathy, a widow who is simply trying to make it through the festive season without her late husband. She's frazzled, her house is falling apart, she's not doing so well.

Then, her mate Dottie gives her a scarf, after telling a weird story about how she wore a scarf this one time and met the love of her life. It was one of those classic Hallmark moments where the audience knows they want to move the plot along, but can't be bothered to make it happen organically, so they just have a stilted conversation that lays it all out. Signature to the genre, really.

"You'll never find the warmth unless you venture into the cold," Dottie tells Kathy, handing her a big red scarf.

Wow, I wonder if Kathy will venture into the cold? Kathy ventures into the cold that very same night to wrap the scarf round an oddly detailed and handsome snowman. The snowman magically comes to life. 

Cathy (Lacey Chabert) faces off with a handsome snowman. Image: Netflix.

Don't worry I'm not giving anything away, they practically revealed the entire plot in the trailer. And besides, we don't watch these movies for the plot. We watch them for the feeling™ they instil in our souls. 

But the feeling I felt upon seeing Dustin Milligan (from Schitt's Creek) playing Jack the real-life snowman was… utter confusion.

He looks fab, congratulations to Dustin on all of your muscles and your luscious long locks! But what? What are you doing here, what's going on? 

Jack and Kathy meet the day after his transformation, and she pretty much immediately believes he's a real snowman.

In fact, everyone is weirdly chill with the snowman revelation when they find out, throwing their hands in the air with a knowing smile as if to say "It's Christmas! These things happen, you know?" At one point someone does actually say that.

But my biggest gripe is the romantic lead in question. Because Snowman Jack is equal parts idiot and super genius.

This shirtless diva, Dustin Milligan. Image: Netflix.

He's a fresh new baby human who knows nothing, according to some scenes. But he can use ovens to cook delicious pizza from scratch, and do handiwork on an entire home like he's auditioning for The Block.

In one scene, he goes to strip in front of Kathy, who has to tell him that's not polite, sir! But when he's originally naked and running around the small-town streets, he knows enough to break into a store and get some clothing to cover up.

He doesn't know how to dance and yet he helps organise a local school dance, complete with a choreographed flash mob routine.

There's an incredibly awkward moment where Jack asks Kathy what cancer is, like a child who has never heard the word before. But he seems to instantly know everything else about this planet and its people.

Make it make sense. You can't!

The buffoonery of it all made the idea of Kathy falling in love with Jack very off-putting. The ick was severe.

It's not just the question of his intelligence, oh no! There are several 'what is going on?' moments throughout the film that routinely bring us back down right when we're having fun. 

There's a giant Comic Sans-style font on her deceased husband's medical chart in the garage, which reads "Radiation Therapy TBC" in a very convincing display. There's a photo-shopped wedding picture that is so clearly fake it hurts, as you look at her eyes blending into his hair (would it be that hard to stage a quick wedding shoot for the sake of your movie?).

Very believable!!! Image: Netflix.

In almost every scene, it seems there's something that reminds you this movie is intentionally tacky and bad… when it could have been good old-fashioned fun.

Especially when you consider the star power.

While watching Hot Frosty, the thing that struck me most is that this is an excellent comedic cast, and they could've done much better if we weren't committing so aggressively to the Hallmarkification of Netflix.

Holidate, Lovehard, and Dash & Lily are all proof that we can have fun with goofy Christmas cheer AND deliver something watchable.

The supporting players are actually all top-tier.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine co-stars Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio reunite to play the small town cops, an incredible casting choice that had me briefly thinking this movie would be decent. Meanwhile, sitcom icon Katy Mixon plays the local doctor you simply have to love.

Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio reunite in Hot Frosty. Image: Netflix.

Combined with the talents of Chabert and Milligan, it's actually a really solid cast. But does the plot match the acting ability?

Unfortunately, Hot Frosty went a little too far into the cheese-factor instead of the genuine comedic nature of this absurd script. We could've had a sexy good time, and we certainly did not.

But if you think I'm discouraging you from watching Hot Frosty, let me assure you I am not. I'm saying with a little more pazzazz in the script and final edit, this could've been a much funnier film — but for a girls' night of watching cringe-worthy rom-coms, it doesn't get much better than this glorious cheesy film.

Also, I need you to watch Hot Frosty so you can engage in hot snowman discourse with me. Please.

Watch the trailer for Hot Frosty below.

Hot Frosty is now streaming on Netflix.